♥

Writing without a spell-checker feels dangerous and exiting; and makes you check the dictionary more often, which isn't bad, i guess. But mistakes keep coming never the less.

I think we have never had this kind of vacation like last year around this time. I'll be a bit nostalgic. :) Italian paradise: Sardinia 2011!

♥

...and so it starts... Autumn.

The wind is getting stronger, bringing a scent of ripe apples with it. Soon, it says. The sun has set long ago, to show off the starry sky. The weatherman promises frost in some parts of the country. Thoughts about  university and books are sneaking around. It's time to fill the refrigerator with berrys and mushrooms. Now, let me rephrase it: It's time to fill the refigirator with summer, while it's still possimble.

♥

 Happy 3th Month, my darling!

  

 

It's been a while since the sleeping scedule was so off like today. Even now : Martin is bounicing our little one to sleep, but im sure i have to rescue him soon. I try to work out a routine that will be helpful with the daytime naps, but after two (kind of) sucsessful days, today just fell apart. Better luck tomorrow!

These are some pictures from our time in my hometown. We had luck with a windy day to fly our kite! The funny thing is tho, that we lost our camera and hurried the way back to find it in the grass, so sadly there is no evidence of the really high flight :)

♥

July update II

Tomorrow it will become a whole week here, in hometown-ville.

As soon as we arrived, i got sick with a cold, which is really difficult, when you have a two month old baby to take care of, and everybody else is having fun doing theatre. Alright, i might seem a bit bitter here :) but i take it to be kindly granted.

That's why im so grateful of today. No rehersal, just famili-time. We took a 2 hour walk in my town, but, like all of our walks lately, ended up spending half of it by looking for some things in a store. It might seem fun, but i always get so stressed of worring that Juss might wake up, feel too warm or too cold, or that the music is too loud (too cheesy anyway).

Juss is becoming more fun these days, comunicating and smiling and being awake much longer than before.

The premiere of the play is on 25th July. Not so many days(rehersals) left now. Fingers crossed!

♥

July update

Tomorrow evening we're driving to my hometown. (!) And we plan to stay there until the end of the performances. That's the beginning of august. 3 weeks. (!!) Martin is playing a part in the summerproduction of my hometowns theatre! Wohooo for that!

Back at home with a baby, that ought to be weird... ^_^

I better start packing..

As some may know, me and Martin met in the student theatre group, which was a big deal to both of us, the theatre, i mean :). Now it could be the part where i could say: theatre - a world  full of magic. But it's something else that makes it really cool and that, in my opinion, is the workprocess.

It has taught me much, brought people to my life whom i dearly care for and made me grow as a person. Now there is another person who is actively making me grow and it brings a smile to my face.

♥

Oh, eine andere Sprache. Schön. Kein SpellChecker hilft auch diesmal. Aber kein Englisch. Etwas weniger Fehler und so viel mehr Freiheit.

Ich bin immer noch ich. Und dann wieder nicht. Und dann durcheinander. Ich möchte die Gitarre spielen lernen, die koreanische Sprache, Französisch auch. Jeden Tag zeichnen, schreiben, lesen. Ich möchte Wonderwoman sein. Nein, ich muss jetzt Wonderwoman sein. Wie geht das?

Eine kleine Hand winkt mir zu und dann ist doch der Schlummer wieder da. Oma knetet Wollsocken, eigentlich strickt sie sie. Drei mal am Tag wird gekocht. Ein Kuchen muss auch sein, da aber unser Ofen nur Kuchen mit gebranntem Boden backen kann, wird der kleine Kuchen aus dem Supermarkt gebracht. Der Kuchen ist nur für mich, weil sie keinen Weizen essen möchte. Weil ihr Hausartzt experimentiert. Ich mache Kuchen-doping.

Omas Handy klingelt in Froschtönen. Meins schweigt, auch wenn jemand anruft. Die Arbeit ruft. Die Arbeit ruft die Oma an. Das macht glücklich. Und die Freundin ruft die Oma an. Das auch.

Ich ärgere mich auf die Uni. Auf die Bürokratie, und dass sie nicht funktioniert, und dass die Beamtin noch mir die Schuld gibt. In der möglichst höflichsten Art. Eine Hand weiss nicht was der andere tut. Das System ist so aufgebaut, das sie von selbst funktioniert und die Beamten regiert. Keine Menschlichkeit ist einprogramiert. Aus Menschlickeit hat man's vielleicht vergessen.

Gestern war ein schöner-harter Tag. Entlich Sommerwetter. Aber so viele Tränen. Heute wieder Grau und Regen, und mehr Zeit für einen Traumland aufenthalt. Vielleicht gibt's dann keine Tränen. Oder nur ein bisschien. Der Rücken schmerzt.

Die Oma bleibt einen Tag länger. Dann ist Schluss mit der Kindheit. Dann Freiheit! Freiheit die Socken  auf den Boden liegen zu lassen, für einen ganzen Tag lang oder länger.(ist das grammatisch korrekt, der satz?).

Heute nacht wird Ahornsirup getrunken. Viel geknutscht und viel gewundert. Juss hat jetzt lange dunkle Wimpern und Augenbrauen. Die Oma wird viel plaudern. Juss plaudert auch schon. 

Und da geht der Schlummer.

Und da ist die Sonne wieder.

♥

I

I remember some kind of anxiety, being so determined before the weekend to visit this and that store and finding the perfect drying rack as if everything depended on it. My legs were almost numb, but it was still important to figure out standing in front of those shelves, if we need these things to make frozen yoghourt now, or should i find better ones. 

Somewhere in my heart i knew that there wasn't really much time left. This is how i  see it now, at that time i thought i have plenty of time. At least a week or two. Since the statistics say that. The appartment was a mess, and it was still a mess as we came home from the hospital. Our moms did the best they could by cleaning everything on saturday, but things still weren't put in place. I tried also my best on that day, but then concentrated to get  t h e  b a g  ready. As our moms went home, we went out to town, ate cake and took a long walk chatting and planning maybe a quik birth rehersal on sunday. 'cos ther's pleenty of time. Martin went  to a friends birthdayparty, i watched a movie at home. Nothing was happening.

But just as he came home at midnight and we were going to bed...there it was . Actually in the morning i had the same kind of "feelings" but as they were not regular and disapeared after a while, we thought of it as false alarm. (It is also advised, if all is well, to stay at home as long as  possible, walk,  rest or even eat. But it means that one has to know the symptoms, when it's not.) About 3.30 am Martin called a cab and as we were riding towards the hospital, we were still not really beliving that tonight's the night. As we stepped out into the warm night to get into the cab, i saw a huge moon in the sky. It was the largest and most golden moon i've ever seen. There was no pain, just exiting curiosity.

♥

♥

Oh, already June? update.

It's Jaanipäev, or Midsummer. Yesterday was the night where the sun never sets. The sunset went directly to being the sunrise. And as a tradition of the weather here... it rained the whole day. The day before was a brigt sunny day, the day after almost too.

Its a night where people grill outside, make a fire, eat and drink .. a bit too much. (Here's a clip from the estonian new years programm "tujurikkuja", translates into something like "moodkiller" perhaps. A lot of selfironi: the estonian police thanked (officially) this show sincerely for doing this).

Martin is in Canada and my mom is here to help me out. Well, i can't say i don't enjoy the breakfast-lunch- dinner routine. It's been a while since eating three times a day was possible :) (or needed).

Grandma is totally enchanted by our little one and so chatty, that i bearly keep up. When Juss is asleep i think she feels  a bit bored :). Hopefully the more time we spend together the more content she'll get.

I have been meaning to write also about Martins phd. defence and so one, but i think i wait until i have also some pictures to acompany the writing. Guess it'll be more interesting.

Also i've been thinking to write a german post about pregnancy and birth, because there have been questions asked and also because i feel that what i learned and experienced is worth some sharing. Juss's birht was short in time, totally meditatious and not that painful (as some women prepared me to, whit a smirk on their face - really mean). It was teamwork, wiht carefully chosen team-members, luck and the largest moon of the century in the sky that night. Hm, maybe not just in german.

 I cant wait for Martin to return and to finally have a vacation. Beacause of phd and the conference and million other obligations the family-time has been measured by hours and half-weekends. But oh how i want a week! ;)

♥

I've been missing France lately. Not like missig the food, altho...mm... eclaire!... but more the feeling i had last spring riding the streets of Nantes with that pink bike. The smell of morningair, how the sun felt on ones cheek. And the wind! We tried to fly the kite, that Guillaume surprised us with last year, on the weekend but the fun was cut short, cos the wind just didn't cooperate. Eating out with Martin, strolling next to the castle. Even just cooking. A meal. A full meal. With dessert. Oh.

I miss the centrecity, walking and running along the l'Erdre..

hm.. so strange. i remember kind of missing the same things here, when i was over there.  ._.  weird....

 

 

 

It's probably since life back here is yet now so utterly different. The white nights are now not for winedrinking at the riverside or walks, bikerides coming dancing from a club. No long days sitting in the library, working through some boring material that then becomes so very interesting, when you just get it.

Time and space, the way i think, everything has changed so much in these two years and in such different directions. I hope i can and wondering how i will manage to put it all under one hat.

But one day we'll go and eat oisters again in Nantes and i'm curious how Juss will like them? :)

♥

 May update vol. 2

As my two men are soundly naping right now, i shall use this time for a quick post (... and not for a nap?... silly  girl, you'll regret it soon...mhmh).

This weekend we'll get three weeks old as a little family.

 
On tuesday we went to an office to give him officially his name. It was so weird, firstly because before we had decided what the name is going to be, it felt so odd to do it at all: he's like this pure white paper and then we give him a name and kind of lable him through it... or this is where it starts. But we called him already in my belly with the nickname Juss, so the naming had already started a while ago, but still. And secondly: the woman doing the job... oh! Martin asked me later, if she even said "hello" to us, because it was all just staring at the computer, typing, giving papers to sign...in silence, not once looking at us. It was totally awkward (and kind of amusing, cos it reminded  me of Carol Beer from Little Brittian, as this). Of course she was doing her job neatly and maybe it was just one of those days, and working in an office is just working in an office, i guess.

After that we just trolled around the city. The weather was nice and sunny, the guys sat in an open Cafe, while i rushed throug some shops. Moms are fast :) really fast. We got also a film developed (but not yet scanned).

Alright, Martin is now out for football and im all in for napping.