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 outside

 warm and fuzzy inside

 a little walk in the dark woods on the 24th

 25th

bad hair day: 26th

Christmas... done. It was dark and snow-less, so everyone struggled to get into the holiday spirit. But it was fun, and sometimes awkward, heart-warming and a bit tiring. Maybe all kind and sorts of family-dinners should happen more often, to make it pressure less. There were events i really looked forward to, but ended up somehow outside the merry crowd. I guess it's kind of how it is. Someone always is in need of holding, and then other times i need some holding as well. Our hands are full :)

Guillaume, i just realized that you poked me on facebook...  8 months ago! I'll be better next year! Promise!

Maybe that would be my new years wish: to become more efficient in time-managing. Adding that to my "should figure out life already"-task.

Hope you had a satisfying holiday and are ready for the new year. Sorry about the low-quality photos, i need a course, i know. Working on it... next year :) Love this... pushing everything to the next year at the moment is hilarious!

Wish you all the best!

♥

I have no idea what happens to these files, when i upload them here, they get all foggy or darker or worse, lighter, and i can count pixels too. Why is that ? An idea anyone?

Truth be told, i haven't really figured the camera out. A task waiting for a different time. ... Talking about time!. 

We're wishing you all a wonderful Christmastime, a meaningful Christmastime... actually wishing you time. Let all the clocks stop for a while :)

On Sunday we went on a Christmas-party with relatives and i can't recall talking to anyone really. Or being part of any conversation in any way, because... there was no time for that. And now it's freaking midnight and i'm supposed to bake cakes for tomorrow and i'm obviously not doing it. Because ... it feels wrong, a task, altho' it was something i volunteered to do. Tomorrow, i say. As much as i hate being late, i dislike the pressure i am capable of putting on myself to do it perfect, to the point that it just becomes a paralysing force. Some sleep will help :)

Let's see, what tomorrow brings. It will be a nice Tuesday at least, i'm sure. 

♥

Snow. No snow. Snow. Snow, perhaps? No. Really don't know this year, if we'll have white Christmas. Haven't bought a single present yet, but totally waiting for the Christmas-dinners and get-togethers. Will probably be caught by stress right before? Rushing to get something that i've forgotten? Or not? We'll see :)

I've been felting vests and knitting and doing this and that, but not really gotten anything done and that has made me feel a bit down. There has been progress in everything though, but I'm just not feeling the success. With that in mind, i think i should change something in my daily routine. I've been recently up until really late at night to do things and ended up a zombie :)

So, tomorrow! A new week! A new opportunity to start fresh and do something differently. 

Assa!

♥

  

 

Have a great weekend!

(being a bit busy at the moment, but will find some time soon to do some updates)

♥

 

Felting a dinosaur at the moment. That's what you do when you accidentally buy too much the stuff... 500 g of raw wool is a big bag of wool. Didn't see that coming. How did it happen? I'll tell you the next time we're having tea, or coffee :)

Two months with two little ones. Hm. Wow. This Monday driving back form the music class for toddlers, it was obvious, that the way we arrive and how we get back and even the time in the class... we're getting better at it with each try. I've been going out with the kids every day now. Conquering steep hills of different kind, getting the best out of playgrounds and the old-town. Quality time. Catching birds, carrying twigs and looking and looking around. There's a bit snow left from Wednesday. Is this the snow he'll remember? 

Many suggestions, many thoughts about it have been circling around my mind, but as i sit down to write them, i feel that felting that dinosaur is more important. But then again i don't want to forget that it was and is sometimes a difficult task. Parenting. There are times when i feel like a diplomat in crisis situation, when both of them cry at the same time. And then there are these super sweet moments when Juss gives his sandwich to his little brother to eat, or his favorite toy car for him to play with, so he wouldn't cry. 

Advice to give..? I probably will forget the back-pain and those aching wrists and look back in awe of how adorable and sweet and smart they were already when so little. It makes sense. Because we're meant to remember the important and the good. 

 If your'e a new mom and having a hard time, then know: You are a good mother. Even when sad, or frustrated, or helpless, or confused. You're good. Embrace yourself. You are a beautiful being. It's a difficult journey letting go of ones ego, making those compromises, but so is any quest to a new self. 

Im heading back to my dinosaur, or maybe going to bed.. ?

Dinosaur. Can't sleep unless i finish - "so silly of me" i'll be saying tomorrow morning ;)

♥

Shadow and red cheeks

There should have been snow, it got cold and sunny and then warm and foggy instead. The marathon-man is worried. On the 16th February there's the local sky-marathon; training on snow will be possible only in January. Im quite okay with it, because we're able to move around with our big stroller for two and that alone is a big improvement. No more stuck at home times. We're out exploring the world... well, playgrounds mostly :) 

On Tuesday i was heading back home, only to find out that the road i planned on going was all dug up, so i had the choice to go all the way back (there's a hill with no real road over) or push the stroller up almost a 75%  steep hill. I was in a hurry too, so the steep hill it was. A "wow", as i made it. Never had stronger arms like these before (coming from someone, who did gymnastics for 13 years). Probably around 20kg and a backpack. I think i don't need to worry about any marathon: i can just join in anytime, since I'm having the greatest workout possible :)

In estonia you see many mothers wearing skying gear/sportswear on playgrounds and on walks. I never understood and thought that maybe one looses a sense of fashion when becoming a mom. Last winter i got to experience it. There is a practical reason for it- it's practical!

That classic coat with no hood is no good, when there's wind and I'm forced to run around, also, it's not really friends with little muddy boots, that happen to graze unavoidably, when lifting and carrying an adventurous little one. It's either cold or wet or rainy or all these three together. So, this winter im also looking at the hiking- and sportswear direction to stay alive (i mean, not stressed out and frozen). Sadly, the choice here is so limited, there's the high ranked gear for taking mount Elbrus or neon colored bling-bling stuff snowboarders wear, but is not really my style. Men can find dark-green jackets also in the fishing and hunting shops, but for women the choice is bland. In the biggest shopingcenter in the south i could find three choices with good material, that were knee-length and with a hood and with a reasonable amount of pockets, meant for "her". Only three! 
And it's the guys, who sit and work in the offices all day, while their wives fight the weather outside pushing that stroller!


Amazing... i can truly write a whole post about a jacket. Must start reading a book...right now!

But first, something Swedish:

.

♥

All my random thoughts and news i can think of right now:

Our first attempt to move to the countryside didn't go as planned, but we're not giving up yet. Considering it as a lesson and waiting for our opportunity. I can't hide, that i'm a sad, since in my mind i was already planting my tomatoes and potatoes. Oh, that's life, i suppose. 

Last week was crazy: Monday our neighbor took me and the kids to a music class for toddlers. And i'm quite helpless and useless to Juss, when i'm nursing Miky; on Tuesday we had a play-date in a park in town and it was so-so. Getting there and getting from there was tricky, everybody crying and all. The feeling you can't get anything right just crawled in and has stayed. He's eating sweets in the corner now and promised to do yoga with me in the morning...hah, yeah right!

Therefore our weekend was a good one. When everyone is telling you what you should/could do, it's nice to hear someone telling you to do nothing and taking care of you. Raising kids in a city is much more stressful and complicated, for parents and for kids, it seems. Or is it just my mellow side, idealizing? I can only find out, when i truly try it out.

A while ago i saw an article suggesting people to tell more often to mothers "you're a good mother". But when i tried doing that the next day, i just got in to an awkward situation. "What do you mean by that?" So it's a sentence i assume people really don't use often. Sounding more like an offense? Would have never guessed.

Because we also have many dinosaurs in our home, this post made us smile widely.  

As of from yesterday I'm cruising around with a baby-carriage for twins. It's big. 

I want to paint again. I don't know how and when that will be possible, but i really want to... need to.

Friends have been visiting us on the weekends and every evening has been fun. Giving this warm feeling and already wanting to invite again, and again :) and.... again.

All in all: November, you're okay.

♥

I guess it's nothing new to dream of all the things you'd like to do, if you'd have the chance to do them, and when that free time comes, ... the mind goes blank and the hours are spent by doing really nothing productive. Probably, that's also something that needs to be done time to time. That's how i soothe myself now.
 

♥

One month. The first clothes, that are already too small. Time does seem like a fleeting river as you try to hold on to it. Miky is awesome, as Juss, who adores him. Soon they'll be up to things together. Like eating soap. But after Monday, Juss can already explain you, little Miky, that it' doesn't taste that good.

This first month has been a joy as it has been a learning experience again on how to live without sleeping :)) I got to bed once at 3.30 in the morning, and Martin was woken up at 4. But we're good.  Looking like a pair of old slippers, but really really happy ones.

♥

It'll be november in a few days! Woah. All the colorful leaves are gone and it's pouring rain almost constantly. Every evening i've been baking pies with cinnamon and pumpkin-mash. It's my new zen thing to do, it seems. Just turn on Phil Collins already! Haha :))

No, seriously.

....

But I'm hoping to fill november with guests and some other sweets. This nasty cold is finally showing signs of moving along and moving out of our home. Sweet! Breathing through the nose is not overrated. It is wonderful. One actress once said (as i took a class from her), that when you have a cold, a running nose, it's better not to even think you could actually do anything else than focus on getting better. She's maybe 60 now, but looks like 40. Yoga and gardening were the secret ingredients :)) Why am i talking about that now? It just jumped out of my head.

All these articles about motivation, feeling happy, getting animated and so one being posted and re-posted: November is coming.

Make it cozy! 

And if cinnamon and tangerines don't do the trick, 

you're allowed to get the christmas-lights out! ;)

♥

Uh, i just can't get a decent post posted lately. I've been up since 6 am and hoping to get to bed 23pm, but as history has taught me here, that might not be possible. We'll see. Martin is on a trip to the capital, on a short notice, so i plan holding that against him soon: to get a massage and sushi. 16 hours babysitting must be worth some appreciation. :)) (but as it's still ongoing, let's just hope i survive it)

Two major things here are sleep and food. They've become such essentials and the source of happiness. If you can't have one, you might get  the other. I even baked a cake yesterday and it didn't burn. Not even on the edges! I know, i was astonished too. 
Outdoors looks grey. I  like the color and i love the slightly warmer autumn and early spring days, when it rains a little and there's some fogginess in the horizon.

Since Juss got a cold, i caught it too, we all did in the end, so the energy-level has been on zombie-mode the past weeks. Let's get better!

♥

Our acquaintances have two sons with the age gap 1,5 years. The mother relied a message to me:" I survived. You'll survive." I liked it. It's a lot better than the don't worry pep-talk i got while pregnant. And it's spot on as well. One day at a time.

She told how now, when the boys are older (4 and 5), they are the best friends, doing everything together.

They also had this system, that once week mom got her own day. Which meant, that dad looked after the kids for a whole day and mom could do what ever she wanted. The flip-side of the story was, that mostly mom would spend her time in the next room, sleeping :)))

♥

The fog in the late morning.

It'll be a warm weekend, hence the fog, that stayed almost until noon. I went or a bike-ride to the supermarket and it felt nice. On Monday it'll be two weeks as a family of four. We're still looking for the rhythm: one day it goes smooth, the next one, not so much. There are moments when i feel like a diplomat in a crisis situation. I can handle it, i was surprised. These difficult and hard moments pass. They always do. There's always a solution.

Our neighbors, who have two a bit older kids themselves, have helped a lot this week. When it gets too loud here, i pack my kiddos and knock on their door :) I'm glad to have friends like that close by.

On the downside: Juss got a cold. It's been a while, it seems. The big question: parents, who let their kids go out on play-dates with a running nose, and parents, who don't  - is there any right answer, since every occasion is different?

Well, i decided, we drop out of social life, until our running nose doesn't go running around to other noses :)) ( but i feel a bit frustrated, since we're been on the receiving end of these bacillary for a while now  -_-)

We hope to have a healingly mellow weekend, with lots of sleep and being relaxed.

Wish you the same! ;)

♥

 

Since it's been an indoorsy week, i wanted to post some more photos of our trip to the woods. It might sound weird from a woman who just had a baby five days ago, but i really want to go out, like on a hike, visit friends at the countryside, go to the sauna. I do. And, what's even more strange, i might even have the strength to do so. I'm still not done comparing labor to a marathon: the first time it's hard but ecstatic, the second time it's still an effort, but you know how to enjoy it (at some point, bouncing on a giant ball, i asked Martin to tell me anecdotes), but mainly: your technique has made an improvement :). 

♥

What a birthday this year! It's amazing that he chose to be born on his moms birthdays early-early dawn :)

We were all well and good, so we were let home the next day, which was really nice. And there was a birthday-cake already waiting for us :

Do you know people who have their birthday on the same day as their parents? It seems rare :)) but is it?

Have a great weekend and lots of kisses to you all!

♥

♥

The best playground ever

Beard-moss, indicator for clean air

The spotted woodpecker didn't pay us any attention. It was too delicious perhaps.

The idea of a forest-kindergarden is winning me over day by day. Being out there is such a treat.

Have a good Sunday!

♥

 

Our Indian summer ended just according to the calendar: after the 23th it was over with the light jackets and summer-shoes. But you still got to love autumn for it's riches. 

Life here is quite calm at the moment. Still sewing something, here and there putting stuff away or getting it out. It's calm. Tries to be.

But an advice for all the pregnant ladies : lie about your due date, lie about it early on. Then you won't get calls form people (who might call you otherwise twice a year) asking questions as "are you're done yet", or "when will you".  Lie to your friends and family (not the dad, of course :)). Just push the date with a satisfied heart two-three weeks ahead. I dearly regret not doing it this time.

Curiosity killed the cat, as the saying goes, but i can say, that it can taint a friendship for a while. Or at least, the person involved will be stressed and annoyed and usually friends don't have that as a goal, right?

However, when you're like suffering form not knowing and can't live otherwise at all, may there be whatever reason, then don't call the pregnant lady, but some other friend, who might be closer (and if they don't know, then it hasn't happened yet) or the spouse.

For the sake of vanilla- ice-cream, it'll happen, when it happens!

♥ ♥ ♥

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Adventure. 

Here's an article i didn't read through, but liked the last paragraph:

Looking back, this is what I would tell laboring women, and anyone else who throws doubts at the extreme task we are set. We have ample counsel on how to do this, and it comes from the world of adventure. That is how labor should be viewed — as a solo sail around the Horn, as a free climb, as a trip into the void. How do women do it? We do it the way Eric Newby did it. The way Josh Slocum did it. The way Edmund Hillary did it. Sometimes, when things go badly wrong, the way Robert Falcon Scott did it. Breath by breath. Tack by tack. Foot over foot, until we reach the summit. Just exactly in that way. Wendy Plump

Our Sunday had some adventures too. Different kind.

When we were outside it started to rain quite heavily, but as we got home, it was raining inside as well. That was a surprise!

The attic is being rebuilt and ... as of, there is not much roof above our apartment apparently. But the construction-workers came some hours later and did some covering, so at least in the evening there was no dripping sound coming from anywhere. Our neighbors had the same fate as we, but a bit worse, as they might have to replace some of their ceiling. But i hope not, 'cause their too awaiting a baby and are soon moving to a house with their older toddler and awaiting new tenants - enough in their hands as there is.

It is really autumn! Can't yet believe it...

♥

Guess i have reached the point of parenting where sacrificing a roll of toilet-paper transforming into snow in the living-room, or the sock-drawer being reorganized with toy-cars and a dozen socks are lying around the floor for the sake of 10 minutes peace and quiet, have become everyday norm. Well, you'll kind of still feel the embarrassment, when sudden guests pop by, (like the landlord-lady), but porbably i'll get used to that as well. 

We got a running nose from a playmate last week and it's still stuck with us, now including me. And thus i'm dreaming of cheesy noodles or sushi or anything a bit fancy (read:something i didn't have to make myself)... and a vacation on a tropical island with seafood and a lot of sleep. Or a cleaning-lady for the weekend. Or a Mary Poppins. Dreams have become different now days, i've noticed ;)

 Have a great weekend! 

Don't let anyone sneeze on you!

Put a shiny chestnut in your pocket!

 

♥

 

Photos taken by my mom in August with her old canon soap-box:)

♥

 

Days go by quickly. I'm still doing stuff, that i think needs to be done, but lately not so sure about  the order of significance (Toothbrush- holder versus earrings?) Or significance in general.

But I'm so thankful for starting prenatal-yoga again now in September:  that hour and a half give so much (if able to receive :)). I like the part of the personal nature, sitting in a circle and the talks after the meditation that we have before doing the asana. 

Anyway. I've had this book of a friend now quite a while. A year. And i kept it, because i wanted to write down some Quotes. Here and now seems like a perfect opportunity, to get it done. One thing less on my list. Juhuu!

"Of all nature's gifts to the human race,

what is sweeter to a man than his children?" - Cicero

"My father didn't tell me how to live;

he lived, and let me watch him do it." - Clarence B. Kelland

"We make a living by what we get,

but we make a life by what we give" - Winston Churchill

"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone 

could give another person, he believed in me." - Jim Valvano

"The most important thing that a father

can do for his children is to love their mother." - Hesburgh

"The greatest use of a life is to 

spend it on something that will outlast it." - William James

"Fathers, like mothers, are not born.

Men grow into fathers - and fathering is 

a very important stage in their development." - David M. Gottesman

These are from "Fathers-To-Be Handbook. A Road Map for the Transition to Fatherhood." by Patrick M. Houser. We kind of read it, i looked at some chapters and Martin did, and then we had some discussions about parenting, mostly about our own parents, fathers and father-figures. So we didn't really work through it, but i believe it's still a book worth looking into.