♥

 

Le week-end! 

While i was totally rejuvenated after my painting class, still got some paint in my hair. Sunday felt so much like Saturday, that i posted "have a nice weekend", right? Can't believe, that it's already a new week starting. But even when there was just one day of the weekend, we still had some fun times. The weather is just great! An Italian friend said, that spring is finally here, yey! .. and i said, this is Summer! but what will happen in summertime? Because, to be honest, it can't get any better from this.

So, let's enjoy while it lasts. 

For students, of course, this is like torture. Probably after the last exam, it will rain for a while then:)

♥

There's been alot on my mind lately. And i see it in a positive light.

As i haven't written any personal e-mails recently, im not really in the receiving end as well. It's a pity, but i understand. Im thinking of you with happy thoughts :)

When i was born and raised, the circumstances where completely different, the philosophy of life it self was. So i find myself in constantly explaining things, that for me sound and feel so natural. Further, the way women were treated while giving birth... from today's view, i'd say, it was violence. And to tell my mother how awesome was Juss birth, is just such a gift, altho she listens skeptically, i think. 

I've always  known that i broke my collarbone, when i was born. "I broke it". As i told this to a fellow mom (of 5 children), she laughed and asked if i then dropped on the floor or how else could I have broken that bone. Now i know, that the midwife did it, just to get me out faster. A regular procedure. Like in a factory. I was shocked. Even my mom didn't know that, because the only thing that the nurse told her, was that "the baby had broken her collarbone". Midwives today don't do it, because they know better: there is a slight pause after the baby's head is born, so that the baby can turn his/her shoulders, that come after, with another push. The womb just takes a little siesta before that final one. And if everyone is okay, why would anyone even give birth in that horrible bed anyway. Even moms can't beat gravity :)!

That's why we sceduled a midwife we knew and trusted. It did cost some money, but as people spend more averagely on parties, sports-ecuiptment and other stuff, why not invest in your own (first) child's birth, to make it a beautiful, intimate and pleasant happening?

There was a time we even considered homebirth, but to be honest, i really liked the three days in the hospital.... we didn't need to do anything, we could just look into these awesomely blue eyes. And me and the little one were treated mostly very nicely. Then again, i have never feared doctors or hospitals. But i know some people do.

So, it could've not been more different, than even those first moments as a mother, that experience in the 80es and in  2012. And it goes on.

I'll just make a list of things my mom and other grannys, as i found out from other new moms, don't really "get" or have a hard time to get used to, as it seems so new-age (?):

- The familybed. Martin built last summer this big bed, so we could all have enough room to sleep. We also have a baby/child-bed... but we really don't use it. It is installed next to the big one, but Juss goes there just to hang out sometimes, but sleeps in the big one. He'll "move out" when he's ready :)

- Baby lead weaning. "I never let you eat like this. Porridge flying around and all!" said my mom, when Juss tried to figure out how to get that porridge out of the bowl, using spoon and hands (mostly hands :P), but after some seconds she added "It was a big trouble to get you eat right. To learn to use the spoon. I thought it'll never happen". I just smiled at that point.

- The cocoon. Some babies like to be "tied up". They feel safe. But. Not all :) We like to stretch and fight every blanket there is.

- The baby sling. Without it i could have not been there, when Matin got his PhD and the banquet after that. A once in a lifetime event!

- Public nursing. This is a topic i could write a novel about, because i really get fired up on it. If your child is hungry, how can you not feed it? With the best quality milk, specially designed for your baby. The other party says then, you should stay at home. Yeah, i think too, that 6 months staying at home doesn't cause some emotional distress and depression?! I've noticed that people saying things like that, are not mothers, or if so, have issues about their body. Which is sad. There are so many cover-up things invented for people, who feel embarrassed. Which is again sad, because we live in a society, that has some disturbed sence about breasts. They aren't just sex-toys or commercial equipment to sell things, they are actually useful :P

 Hm, i guess im in the end of my "tirade". 

Today we imagined how we look like, when we get older and older, in a sense of how our appearance will change, or will it? Suits, dresses, casual, chic?

"Probably we'll be looking like old hippies."

"Unless, it's a marathon."

 

♥

Happy Mother's day!

And all women, mother or not, have a great day, with alot of love and sweetness. 

But call your mom, sleep in, eat breakfast in bed, take a long walk, read, dance. 

Kiss life on the lips, gratefully. :)
For the moms sake (:

♥

This weekend was all about the smell of fresh snow and springs sunshine. It's quite an odd combination, but what to do: it's still winterwonderland here in April. Some friends piled up the snow from their yard into a 4 meter high pile and im sure their kids will be sledging into June. 

On Saturday there was an event in the botanical garden, something about birds and stuff (i didn't pay much attention to the newsletter). We ended up going and building a birdhouse for the starling (Sturnus vulgaris). The house should be put up soon, but there is also information that some birds have turned back because of the cold, and will be coming later this year. About the summer there is already a saying: the bad news- it will be a rainy and cold summer, the good news- it will be short. 

I thought we already did the rainy summer gig? Oh, well. 

What is great though, is that we have planned a one month holiday for July.. There were also plans for a wedding, but we postponed it for next year, since too much would be going on for just one summer ;)

♥

This is a post to continue the previous one.

Surfing the net while pregnant, i came across many list of things you should have, when you'r expecting, and when the baby arrives. There were shoppinglists that could go one foreeever. Here is this saying, that to raise a kid, you need at least a million. Well, the currency has changed... so in euros it would be... :)))

The truth is : babys need love. Yup, and if you got that covered, everything else just isn't that complicated. And not that expensive, unless showing love is somehow tied to money, as i love my kid as much as the stroller costs, or otherwise people think i don't. Yeah, i've seen that too.

But to come back to babythings, i'll just tell you our story. 

As we anounced to people around us, we were going to have a baby, we had kind offers coming in daily. We got a babycarriage, tons of clothes, a little tub, a bag to go along the carriage, a carseat, two slings and books and this list goes on.... not to mention the toys (oh.. sometimes i wish..). The things i actually bought from a shop were: a bath-thermometer, nailscissors for babys and a baby brush out of goathair (so sooooft and almost useless). Everything else we got, we did pass on, or back, when our little one had outgrown them. I did do a little investment in clothdiapers, and wool-silk clothes for him and bras for me, but just a little one. In the end things mentioned here, were all we needed and that was even plenty.

As we moved in to this appartment 5 days before Juss was born, we had only boxes waiting for us, when we arrived from the hospital. Our dear friends baked a big pie for us and send some flowers, and that was enough to feel over the moon and home. We didn't even have a bed at that time :)) .. So my point being.. things don't have to be picture perfect, to be awesome.

 

But when Juss needed a stroller and fast, because he just got taller like in a day, i started looking. In the end i bought one from the internet, already used. It has it's flaws and i deffinetly overpaid this one, but anyway, it was my first time. Still, the stroller works. It does a great job in strolling us here through the snow and over the ice. I just couldnt bring myself to buy something from a shop, that we were gonna use just some years, that costs as much or more, as is my moms monthly paycheck, or our car. I guess it's a question of values. Things don't have to be new to be functional. Or a question of appearance. And selfvalue. And how much are they connected with eachother. Or what kind of people surround you.

If we would have been, at that time, in another country, things would have been different in a sence, that we wouldn't have had this kind of support by our surroundings. I have no idea if this kind of green-thinking is out there elsewhere, or not. It would've been lonely, and then unreasonable things start to matter. But since this was not the case, we deffinely want to continue this cycle of giving.

edit: here's an article about stuff and how you don't really need much.

♥

Today i thought i'd write a bit of a different kind of post, just to summarize some thoughts and advice to myself and maybe for someone out there, may-be. Also, i just want to point out that not all mindsets appeal to everybody and that's okay. Mine is just like.. well.. mine.

This post got rolling after a friend of a friend asked for advice about whom to pick as a family doctor (we have this kind of system here, it means no pediatricians, which is totally sad). She got many responses about peoples experiences, some really shoking (as like "women are not like cows, so after 4 months is nursing just absurd"), but also about some nice and cool up-to-date doctors out there.

I changed my doctor after i had a cold while prengnant, because that was when she just couldn't give me the usual anibiotics and was kind of struggeling to find something to help me. And if you get advice like "well, it contains some alcohol, but a little doesn't matter, does it? Ya know, like wine.. :P", it's just a big "NO" sign, on freaking fire, for me.

Later that friend of a friend asked, when would be the best time to get in contact with the new doc, and i replied as soon as possible, as her due-date was just a month away. Since in the hospital at any time, they need to know, whom to send various results and stuff about the new little person. In a way i was surpirised how uninformed she was, not knowing about the baby-nail-scissors, or "the bag" (you know, the one you take with you to the hospital), but then i realized, i was just the lucky one to have such a big circle of women around me, who didn't tell horrorstories, but offered support and information and even spiritual strenght. But it also recuired some personal growth.

I visited since the 9th week of my pregnancy a breathing and yoga-class, driven by a mother of five. Her way of life and her philosphy is some kind different than you get by most common people you know, but it's the acceptance and knowledge, that she really does know a thing or two (or hundred), that you don't. As model students, i guess, we were taugth to follow our teachers straight away, but there i learned, i could and had to make choices. And that is a big part of being a parent and having responsibility. The easiest way people take, is by not taking the class anymore, because some views don't match up. But you woudn't stop being friends with someone who's vegan, when you yourself are not, do you? More over, you just learn to respect that and take it in account, when asking them over to dinner, right? :))

Being pregnant is not easy. You find yourself staring at your lovely partner and saing words like "fries! now!" at midnight, or even if you don't, there are still those big changes and journeys that the body and the mind must take. And yes, no beam of light will come from outerspace to make you "the mother" (i kind of expected that :) ) but it's all you, that actually and miraculously can handle it, just fine.

edit: feel free to note me on spelling- and grammar-mistakes, i'd like that :)

♥

Happy 2013 to you all !!!

I thought i'd share some nice moments of 2012 with you :)

♥ Of our biggest adventure, to be precise ♥

Part I

♥ Here i am, just hours before it all started! Going out for a cake in the centre city. Things are already moving along ♥

♥The next morning. Hello, Papa!♥

♥ May, such a beautiful weather! A great time to be born and to be fresh parents ♥

♥zzZZZ♥

♥ Busy June. Papa has a Phd. now. And this little man is just our greatest treasure! ♥

Bisous! A bientôt!

♥

Hello again from the winterprisoners! 

Some people are like vitamin C and i wish i could take a tablet every day ! :)
Thank you Mihkel for visiting us during this really cold time. Check out his funny project and other work! I loved how he just asked me bluntly "and what now?" "what's your project?" "where's your work?". I needed to hear that from a person who knows me for a long-long time, has seen me bloom and has seen me fall appart. Someone who knows my strong and weak sides, but is not too close to get his fingers burned, when i don't like what i hear. After our talk i felt, that i've been hibernating for too long, honestly, it's been going on for years, i think. Even before we moved to France for a year. Unbelivable!
Among many other things, we talked about something called the 30 day challenge and different ways to take more out of ones life. I feel so inspired and glad that now i can step into the next year with a brave mindset. I also found this lady in youtube, talking about taking action, getting motivated. Sometimes it's just needed that someone not only tells you to do it, but also gives the little steps that need to be taken, to get there in the first place.

A lot will be going on now: Granny is in town, the new wardrobe has arrived in the shop and is waiting to get picked up. And tomorrow the christmas-rollercoaster will begin. And all i want is just... . You know. 

I started two 30 day challenges: one is adding something to my life (and hopefully will help me to make a point :P), the second one is limiting something. It's a nice combo for now. I'll tell you later, what it was and how it went.

And for you i have a 30 day challenge aswell: read a different poem every day for 30 days.
Highly educational? Highly inspirational? What do you think? Doable? 

Have a great weekend!

♥

We have sunshine! Everything is under a white blanket!

This week is almost over - what a ride! From super stressed and worried and upset to happy-happy-joy-joy!

My stresslevel rose to it's max on monday, 'cos of a misdialed number. Don't ask, but there are apparently people out there, who have no idea how to be polite, when someone calls a wrong number. Maybe it's because the rudest person i know, usually, is myself, that i was so shoked about it. 

Only on wednesday granny and i felt settled in about living here together for a week, we are both not so great at acclimatization when it comes to sharing personal space. But in the end we managed nicely, it just took some days to get there. 

Martin is finally back and right after he arrived (he ought to arrive some time after noon, but cos of the snow and all it turned out later) we had tickets to a play. My mom looked after Juss, who selpt most of the time, and we had some quality time in a best sence. The play was totally heartwarming and well acted and directed. It felt so weird being out whitout my baby, like i had forgotten something to take with me. But i was able to enjoy it also, since he was in good hands after all.

Today we're going to buy i new baby-stroller, since Juss barely fits in the old carriage. He is soo tall! And handsome! and all smiles!  And im being totally objective here :D

Enjoy the sunday!

♥

The fog has cleared and snow fallen upon it all. The backbone of this week is broken and a heart had some time to be mended, or at the very least, calmed. Im still waiting for that particular Email, but since mine is not read, an answer can not be sent.

Waiting. A not too popular activity, right? Like a frozen snowflower inbetween two windowglasses. Blocking the light, the view, as being the view itself. A cklock that ticks but does not move. A womans life full of waiting. For someone or something. Him, her and the milestones set by life itself. A constant way of being.? 

A dear friend said once: don't look down on housewives. And i never will again.

 

♥

He knows. 

But as i don't tie my photographs necessarily with my posts, this shouldn't be an exeption.

Martin is in Australia and im out of sleep. And I'll be out of sleep for a too long time in my opinion. Granny is here to help and it's nice to eat 3 times a day a warm meal, but it doesn't change the fact that im desperatly in need of some slumbertime myself. At least some quiet-time. 

Please cross your fingers, that Juss decides to start sleeping again more than 45 minutes at a time. Im happy even with just 3 little hours. As granny says that he needs to sleep in his own bed, and I kind of agree, i slept maybe all together 2 hours, maybe 3, last night.. starting from 23 until 8 in the morning.  

People without children, appreciate your night-time rights :)!

♥

We re-watched the Matrix trilogy this week (pressing pause when Juss needed some sleep-nursing.). I was 13 when the first one came out, and to be honest, i didn't get much of the dialogue then. Just remembered awesome Keanu and miss Moss, and all that leather flying around. 

But if you've got some time on your hands, why not watch something you've already seen, but it's been a long while. It's interesting to find out how you remembered things and how they really were, or looked like. During time people gain new knowledge and that affects how things can ... just to be all matrixy... be decoded. We had some nice discussions later. 

As a review: Matrix and Super Mario are kind of  similar. The Quest, the One, saving everyone, here and there a little religion knitted into it, here and there some mythology. We were reminded of many other movies and scenarios, one of them was Lord of the Rings. The good and the bad.. uhgh. Shrugging my sholders.

And of course it's the same with books; meaning that the perspective changes. Just might take some more time. Im still working on my catch-up with the newspapers.

Have a nice weekend!

♥

Juss has been stuck at home for almost two weeks. It was his first time to have a cold and a running nose. Luckly it was not too serious and now he's much better. But we still wait a couple of days until we hit the outdoors. (hmm...) You can't really comfort a Little One with nothing else than hugs and kisses, however that doesn't take away the uncomfortable feeling of being sick. Im happy to see him getting better and in a good mood. But the sleepingscedule is a disaster. I spent just two hours putting him to his nap and it ended with tears and he's back playing with his toys, utterly tired and im at the end of my wits. Therefore Martin took him to a car-ride. Maybe it'll work.

November is by far the gloomiest month here. It's wet and cold, and without the snow, also kind of dark. I wish to get some christmaslights and cinamon-candles to make the days and evenings a bit sweeter and brighter, so i'll be hunting for that in the weekend.

♥

These are our new roommates: Velocirapton and Dilqphosaurus. Waiting for Juss i thought a lot about my own childhood and remembered how facinated i was about dinosaurs. Hence i had a cool book about them. Many-many things from that book are now proven wrong or developed to a totally new level, so im looking forward to find out more. Just need to find some good literature about it. Since last winter there are little dinosaurs hanging around here. It's awesome that Martins colleagues have been doing some actual dinosaur-digging in France. Cool, right?

-.-

Funny how "guys digging dinosaurs" are cool and then you become a teenager and it changes into "guys playing the guitar in a basement-band". And then it changes again.

On a more zen level:

I liked this post about getting your life a bit more... zen. I picked out two i wanted to achieve this week:

 - go to bed early

and

-finish old tasks before taking new ones

The firs one seems to work only then, when i wake up early and be really tired and not lie awake for two hours in bed.  The second one i might have started off reaching too far ... the sweater i started two years ago.  But when i'll finish it, i'll feel great :)

♥

Al Pachino and Dustin Hoffman once did a movie together. Dustin was quite struggeling with his role, he tried many things, went on a diet, worked out, read the books, stood on his head... but still.. nothing. Then Al asked him: have you tried acting?

My favourite colour is grey. And foggy weekends... perfect. As we woke up on saturday with sore throats, we decided not to drive to my school reunion. So instead of going on a trip, i looked up the sweater i've been knitting for Martin literary for years. The body part is done. There are still the sleeves. As for now im halfway to reach the goal. I promised to finish it last winter, but didn't manage. This time around im pretty optimistic.. since after that i can start something new.

The foggyness got better and better sunday evening and we went for a latenight walk. And played, while Juss slept, checkers. Of course, i lost. But learned. On our walk we talked a lot and then Martin remembered that story about the two actors.

We laughed. And then i smiled into myself.

♥

I did an Edit on that post. And im keeping the blog. Let it be a monologue into the internet-desert. Maybe someday i hear an echo. Maybe.

I could write about the wedding or a friends babys 9th month birthday or the sunday we spent at Karulas national park.  No picture to prove it. It was a strange weekend. The thoughts are still circling around. Strange, but in such a good order. The future gained some lines. Now i just have to calm down, put daydreaming aside and start doing some little steps towards that future.

I'll write, another time.

♥

An early autumn sky from Juss's perspective.

I dont' really know anymore why im writing this blog. The last post showed me this very clearly. As i was writing it, it's sense just vanished in thin latenight air. I struggle with this language, i know it. The idea of keeping in touch with everybody from abroad has just isolated me in this oneway monolog. As writing to everybody becomes writing to nobody in perticular.

Im no photographer, nor an artist in general. This is neither a artblog, literature-blog, fahsion-blog or a mommy-blog. What is it then? Blogging about everyday life; Isn't it too bland? As im not even good at it.

I like writing. I do. 

I just lost the direction where i wanted to go. 

I read one girls blog about doing a project of visiting a museum every week and writing about it. Sounds great. Especially the part of visiting museums. Or gallerys; there are plenty in Tartu. 

There are some things im doing, (may be called projects,) but for now i don't want to share them. Not yet. 

♥

Waiting for sunny days. They should be ahead. Today was promising. It's a waste that our little camera is getting tired of serving us, as the lens seems lately to be too bored to focus. It's -of course- not MY fault :))) hehe!

 
On wednesday i planned to go with a friend and our babies to a craft class, but i was too exhausted the minute i opend my eyes (could have been from the long week-end?), so i invited them to our place instead for the day. Later she smiled and said that she feels like this every single morning she wakes up. But we both laughed, because while i was telling her how tired i felt, i managed to prepare lunch and dinner like a pro. Seemingly effortless :)

Last friday we wanted to go to the moor to pick berrys but ended up in an animalpark instead. It was our first trip with our car, proud dad driving and all. I took a video of Juss talking to the moos and the moos talking to Juss. They had quite a conversation.

Our foreign friend laughed that estonia is the only country he knows where the bitrhdaychild does her/his own cake. But hei, i feel awkward even recieving presents, as i feel i should give some in return. 

Sunday do: get some sun!

♥

Happy birthday!

I look around and see biscuits, sweets, a quater of a watermelon, and a lot of healthy carrots from yesterday on the tables. The floor covered with an even coat of waffelcrumble. I don't mind. (: Today will be a fine day.

♥

This week has been an exhausting one. The town is blooming with energy, amazement, exitement; students hurring like ants to lectures and seminars...and Im feeling jelaous. Thus i have a running nose now. 

Today was an international car-free-day. But we still made a little trip to the woods and Martins parents home. Juss met the forest for the first time :) Our visit was a pleasant surpirse to my belle-mère. (sometimes french is just too good of a language)

Taking pictures with our little pocket digital camera has such a different feel to it. But before dreaming of a really amazing camera, i should learn the basics with my zenit, get good at it and then, maybe, think of investing in some digital-mirror-magic. I just don't want to be one of those people with an enourmously expensive camera taking pictures on auto-mode. like i do with the pocketcamera :P

Juss is definitely my little inspiration. Often when i nurse him i have some great ideas. Altho it takes time to set them all into reality, i will give it a try. Like this little frog... there is a looooong way to go and the steps are little, but in the end he'll reach the destination.