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There is this question that keeps popping up lately and i find it always tricky to answer: Is it difficult/hard being pregnant (especially the second time around, while the first kid is still so small)? In my mother-tongue difficult/hard is referred to in a word that also means ´'heavy´'. Carrying two is heavier indeed :)

This "how is it?" question is something i've been throwing around in the past as well, looking for answers. How is it to be pregnant with a small toddler? How is it with a toddler and a baby? The common answer is: it's hard/difficult. Then it's added: the first year is hard, after that it's easier. I feel like i'm lost in translation: hard? easier? These words all in all don't say much. 

I went to look answers in the internet, asking a group in facebook about it. While my belly was growing i got more and more curious, maybe there is something that'll be good to know, from women who already have that experience. But all the answers came back in "don't worry, be happy" -style. I got more precise: "when going out, whom do you dress first?" for example. "Don't worry, it'll all settle naturally... blablabla... but then i dress my youngest first and then i have this trick ...." and so one. So in the end there is advice out there, but it seems it's difficult to share. Why is that, i wonder. Too personal or did they really think it was worry that made me ask these questions, didn't they themselves wanted to know, were curious about things, would've been happy over support, thats more than "don't worry, be happy", in the end it sounds like a nice way to just shut someone up. That's how i replied. I was deeply disappointed, since it was a group that was made by me and an other young mother. It didn't fulfill its purpose for me at that level.

Most of the mothers i know personally, who have same age children, are older than me. In their (mid)-30es. There are only one or two that are the same age, in the mid-twenties, or younger.  So i started to wonder if it might be a generation thing. Of course this is now a huge generalization, but who knows, i just throw it out there. 

The idea came, when a friend, who started university from the beginning with a course of 20year olds (being over 30 herself), said that for her it seems the new generation is much more open. Open to talk about it all, even the uncomfortable stuff. Ups and downs are equally presentable. Being in between, i really don't know. But truthfully, after a while of thinking about it, and noticing what people talk about, i came to agree on that. It's not a universal truth tho, and it's not the age that determines anything, there's just something... that maybe a sociologist(or whoever does that stuff) can figure out or research?

I started to miss my same-old friends, with their humor and irony, their ups and downs, their smiles and tears. :)

I just hope, that even if there is someone out there, who like me, wonders about things and wants to know more, more precisely, wants to share hopes and fears, that they wouldn't feel lonesome and shut up, just because there is a lot of "don't worry"type of answers thrown around. 

As for my own answer for that question. I finally figured it out today. When a little hungover friend called me from the beach this sunday evening asking...

how is it?

me: what do you mean?

Is it hard? It's summer, it must be hard. 

...I shrugged it off. Im cool. Im fine. Pie-ce of cake! But now i'd say: If you think it's hard, why don't you help me?

Asking for help is much more difficult, than offering, don't you agree? I started to be brave. I try to be. I asked people out, made some plans to meet up with a different crowd, than the everything-is-always-perfect-mothers-group. And i also want to hold it in my mind, that when someone comes to me asking questions, i'll take the time to find the answers. :)