♥

Huh, this post has been started at least three times(nights) already. So, what was i saying again?  :))

Happy 2014!

After Christmas we decided to stay at home on new years eve, to have some quiet time. We planned to put the kids to bed and then stay up just until after midnight, before having a nice dinner. I got all ready to roll some sushi (that's what i call it) and bake a pie and all. Kind of romantic for young parents: eating good food by ourselves and then watching the fireworks form our winter-garden. There were some ingredients still missing for my sushi (like... the main things), so we headed all out on the 31th. Some kids were trying already their fireworks out and that's when our plan to escape was again on the table. Truth is, we prefer not to stay in the city/town on new years eve. It's noisy. And there's this nervousness, i think.

Since our guests, who planned dropping by, also cancelled, the road was clear. Like crazy ants we baked the pie, rolled the sushi, packed our bags and at 5pm started the car to drive 100 km south to our friends, who run a sheep-farm and to celebrate new years eve in a village centre.

Well, like a miracle our two little ones just slept almost until midnight, so we could dance, eat and converse with people. Twelve o'clock we wished happy new year through the phone to each other: i was nursing Miki inside (in solemn loneliness) and Martin and Juss were outside looking at the fireworks coming from the neighbour village (or somewhere.. i wasn't there, i have no idea). Soon after that, we headed to sleep in front of a fireplace. We snored before the babes did. 

It was an interesting evening and the following day. Some thoughts came up again and made us think. I this the year we'll making those decisions?  About that, next time.

The next day i was at loss, like always when im a guest, i don't know what to do... i feel so awkward eating myself away (there are some amazing cooks over there), so i ended up hiking outside in the woods with some of the kids of the house. That was quite amazing and i had a great time. I was not their nanny, but a friend and that's such a better position to be in. 

Winter is coming at last!

♥

Es ist kalt. Das erste mal in diesem Winter, diese Kälte. Sie bringt uns in das neue Jahr. Frost schmückt den Boden, Sterne die Himmelskuppel. Die Kälte beißt an Beinen, Fingern, an meiner Nase. Ein paar Meter von uns ist die Feier im Kulturhaus im vollem Gange. Tanzende Figuren schaukeln an goldig glühenden Fenstern vorbei. Es ist still. Die Musik, als käme sie von einer anderen Welt, stört die Stille hier nicht. Diesseits, wo die ganze Erde im Nullpunkt zu stehen scheint. Wohl die Sterne, denke ich, die schwere Samt-decke mit Brillanten bestickt. Es ist unheimlich so weit durch den Kosmos zu blicken, durch die bekannten Figuren, in den staubig zarten Sterneschein dahinter.

♥

 outside

 warm and fuzzy inside

 a little walk in the dark woods on the 24th

 25th

bad hair day: 26th

Christmas... done. It was dark and snow-less, so everyone struggled to get into the holiday spirit. But it was fun, and sometimes awkward, heart-warming and a bit tiring. Maybe all kind and sorts of family-dinners should happen more often, to make it pressure less. There were events i really looked forward to, but ended up somehow outside the merry crowd. I guess it's kind of how it is. Someone always is in need of holding, and then other times i need some holding as well. Our hands are full :)

Guillaume, i just realized that you poked me on facebook...  8 months ago! I'll be better next year! Promise!

Maybe that would be my new years wish: to become more efficient in time-managing. Adding that to my "should figure out life already"-task.

Hope you had a satisfying holiday and are ready for the new year. Sorry about the low-quality photos, i need a course, i know. Working on it... next year :) Love this... pushing everything to the next year at the moment is hilarious!

Wish you all the best!

♥

I have no idea what happens to these files, when i upload them here, they get all foggy or darker or worse, lighter, and i can count pixels too. Why is that ? An idea anyone?

Truth be told, i haven't really figured the camera out. A task waiting for a different time. ... Talking about time!. 

We're wishing you all a wonderful Christmastime, a meaningful Christmastime... actually wishing you time. Let all the clocks stop for a while :)

On Sunday we went on a Christmas-party with relatives and i can't recall talking to anyone really. Or being part of any conversation in any way, because... there was no time for that. And now it's freaking midnight and i'm supposed to bake cakes for tomorrow and i'm obviously not doing it. Because ... it feels wrong, a task, altho' it was something i volunteered to do. Tomorrow, i say. As much as i hate being late, i dislike the pressure i am capable of putting on myself to do it perfect, to the point that it just becomes a paralysing force. Some sleep will help :)

Let's see, what tomorrow brings. It will be a nice Tuesday at least, i'm sure. 

♥

Snow. No snow. Snow. Snow, perhaps? No. Really don't know this year, if we'll have white Christmas. Haven't bought a single present yet, but totally waiting for the Christmas-dinners and get-togethers. Will probably be caught by stress right before? Rushing to get something that i've forgotten? Or not? We'll see :)

I've been felting vests and knitting and doing this and that, but not really gotten anything done and that has made me feel a bit down. There has been progress in everything though, but I'm just not feeling the success. With that in mind, i think i should change something in my daily routine. I've been recently up until really late at night to do things and ended up a zombie :)

So, tomorrow! A new week! A new opportunity to start fresh and do something differently. 

Assa!

♥

  

 

Have a great weekend!

(being a bit busy at the moment, but will find some time soon to do some updates)

♥

 

Felting a dinosaur at the moment. That's what you do when you accidentally buy too much the stuff... 500 g of raw wool is a big bag of wool. Didn't see that coming. How did it happen? I'll tell you the next time we're having tea, or coffee :)

Two months with two little ones. Hm. Wow. This Monday driving back form the music class for toddlers, it was obvious, that the way we arrive and how we get back and even the time in the class... we're getting better at it with each try. I've been going out with the kids every day now. Conquering steep hills of different kind, getting the best out of playgrounds and the old-town. Quality time. Catching birds, carrying twigs and looking and looking around. There's a bit snow left from Wednesday. Is this the snow he'll remember? 

Many suggestions, many thoughts about it have been circling around my mind, but as i sit down to write them, i feel that felting that dinosaur is more important. But then again i don't want to forget that it was and is sometimes a difficult task. Parenting. There are times when i feel like a diplomat in crisis situation, when both of them cry at the same time. And then there are these super sweet moments when Juss gives his sandwich to his little brother to eat, or his favorite toy car for him to play with, so he wouldn't cry. 

Advice to give..? I probably will forget the back-pain and those aching wrists and look back in awe of how adorable and sweet and smart they were already when so little. It makes sense. Because we're meant to remember the important and the good. 

 If your'e a new mom and having a hard time, then know: You are a good mother. Even when sad, or frustrated, or helpless, or confused. You're good. Embrace yourself. You are a beautiful being. It's a difficult journey letting go of ones ego, making those compromises, but so is any quest to a new self. 

Im heading back to my dinosaur, or maybe going to bed.. ?

Dinosaur. Can't sleep unless i finish - "so silly of me" i'll be saying tomorrow morning ;)

♥

Shadow and red cheeks

There should have been snow, it got cold and sunny and then warm and foggy instead. The marathon-man is worried. On the 16th February there's the local sky-marathon; training on snow will be possible only in January. Im quite okay with it, because we're able to move around with our big stroller for two and that alone is a big improvement. No more stuck at home times. We're out exploring the world... well, playgrounds mostly :) 

On Tuesday i was heading back home, only to find out that the road i planned on going was all dug up, so i had the choice to go all the way back (there's a hill with no real road over) or push the stroller up almost a 75%  steep hill. I was in a hurry too, so the steep hill it was. A "wow", as i made it. Never had stronger arms like these before (coming from someone, who did gymnastics for 13 years). Probably around 20kg and a backpack. I think i don't need to worry about any marathon: i can just join in anytime, since I'm having the greatest workout possible :)

In estonia you see many mothers wearing skying gear/sportswear on playgrounds and on walks. I never understood and thought that maybe one looses a sense of fashion when becoming a mom. Last winter i got to experience it. There is a practical reason for it- it's practical!

That classic coat with no hood is no good, when there's wind and I'm forced to run around, also, it's not really friends with little muddy boots, that happen to graze unavoidably, when lifting and carrying an adventurous little one. It's either cold or wet or rainy or all these three together. So, this winter im also looking at the hiking- and sportswear direction to stay alive (i mean, not stressed out and frozen). Sadly, the choice here is so limited, there's the high ranked gear for taking mount Elbrus or neon colored bling-bling stuff snowboarders wear, but is not really my style. Men can find dark-green jackets also in the fishing and hunting shops, but for women the choice is bland. In the biggest shopingcenter in the south i could find three choices with good material, that were knee-length and with a hood and with a reasonable amount of pockets, meant for "her". Only three! 
And it's the guys, who sit and work in the offices all day, while their wives fight the weather outside pushing that stroller!


Amazing... i can truly write a whole post about a jacket. Must start reading a book...right now!

But first, something Swedish:

.

♥

All my random thoughts and news i can think of right now:

Our first attempt to move to the countryside didn't go as planned, but we're not giving up yet. Considering it as a lesson and waiting for our opportunity. I can't hide, that i'm a sad, since in my mind i was already planting my tomatoes and potatoes. Oh, that's life, i suppose. 

Last week was crazy: Monday our neighbor took me and the kids to a music class for toddlers. And i'm quite helpless and useless to Juss, when i'm nursing Miky; on Tuesday we had a play-date in a park in town and it was so-so. Getting there and getting from there was tricky, everybody crying and all. The feeling you can't get anything right just crawled in and has stayed. He's eating sweets in the corner now and promised to do yoga with me in the morning...hah, yeah right!

Therefore our weekend was a good one. When everyone is telling you what you should/could do, it's nice to hear someone telling you to do nothing and taking care of you. Raising kids in a city is much more stressful and complicated, for parents and for kids, it seems. Or is it just my mellow side, idealizing? I can only find out, when i truly try it out.

A while ago i saw an article suggesting people to tell more often to mothers "you're a good mother". But when i tried doing that the next day, i just got in to an awkward situation. "What do you mean by that?" So it's a sentence i assume people really don't use often. Sounding more like an offense? Would have never guessed.

Because we also have many dinosaurs in our home, this post made us smile widely.  

As of from yesterday I'm cruising around with a baby-carriage for twins. It's big. 

I want to paint again. I don't know how and when that will be possible, but i really want to... need to.

Friends have been visiting us on the weekends and every evening has been fun. Giving this warm feeling and already wanting to invite again, and again :) and.... again.

All in all: November, you're okay.

♥

I guess it's nothing new to dream of all the things you'd like to do, if you'd have the chance to do them, and when that free time comes, ... the mind goes blank and the hours are spent by doing really nothing productive. Probably, that's also something that needs to be done time to time. That's how i soothe myself now.