♥

Happy 4th month to us! ♥ you!

During pregnancy i mostly concentrated on the birth; i tried to imagine the life after as well, but that was a bit impossible, 'cos the person we were gonna spend it with was still in "hiding" :)

I asked some young mothers about how they do it, but the answers weren't convincing. What do you mean, you just do it?,  i doubted.

In one moment during this summer i caught myself thinking that i 'd like to feel feminin again. .....Wait a minute.... im a young breastfeeding mother... how much more feminin can you get? Then i made the connection: to be feminin, is to be sexy. (or girly). That can't be right, can it? (it could/should be just the one aspect of a bunch, right?). This thought send my mind blazing back to the book "The female Eunuch". A bestseller in(from) the 70es. But just now I recognized how little i knew about women and their lives, what's reality. What are the responsibilities and how heavy they lie on ones shoulders. What's the amount of dedication, patience ...love really, that one must provide. Not only to their children, but for the entire family, grannys included :)) It's not an easy task.

I started thinking about my own mother, finally realized (trying to realize, imagining really) how she must have felt (or feels now). So much is taken for granted (and it is hard to stop doing it as a child). I started to see the fatigue in these honeysweet smelling supermoms, how the smile is not forced but requires sometimes power from the deepest sources within. And it suprised me why this power is not given from outside. Why there are more expectations than support. But i myself am no better. It is hard to ask for help, difficult to accept an offer. Why that is, i leave for another time to explore :)

I was a bit suprised by the fact that the universe didn't open up, spreading the clouds of cosmos, sending a beam of light (ya' know, like Star Trek  ..haha ) that would make me this mythical creature: "Mother". Strong, beautiful and wise. 

No, it didn't, im still me, can you belive it? It's my own strengt, growing stronger every day and my own wisdom which i gather from experience, books and other mothers. But i wouldn't mind the extra cosmic power tho :))))

Feel free to correct my English.