♥

Oh, love the keyboard in this song. And sparkling stars bursting out of ones heart is also a familiar feeling. Fits perfect into a Sunday. 

(the compulsory weather segment:)

Usually it takes a week or two for me to get out of my winter clothes and into spring ones. Looking around while shopping groceries: jackets and feather light scarves, sneakers and headbands, skirts, shorts... well, i was the weird one with my knitted mittens and hat, looking a bit like Kenny from SouthPark. But spring is sneaky and i was lucky. As my sneakers should arrive at some time in the end of march, Weather, let's keep teaming up!

(the unavoidable housewife nag:)

The guys are out and i'm in.. Looking at it all: dishes (we had people over on Friday, "can we come over" texts are great, when they work out - that happens), and all the toys and books and other stuff, and the laundry, that has to come out of the washing-machine and the laundry, that has to go into the washing-machine, some little helper has done some helping by emptying the sock-drawer, and the vacuum-cleaner needs a new bag..... well, if it isn't just the Myth of Sisyphus.

And then there's that seminar i'm attending. At first i was exited, and then i was too exited, and now i'm just afraid of making a fool out of myself again.

And i should start taking my drivers- licence exam, but i have'nt had the chance to study for it, so there's that too. 

There's actually nothing to complain about, because it's all doable, and at one point i do get it all done. But on a Sunday evening it's just overwhelming. A bit. 

Being at home with kids is not rocket science, but it might as well could be. And physically, its not like running a marathon or anything, but sometimes it would be great to have the luxury to train for and attend one.

Okay, i'll listen to this song now for a while and start figuring out photoshop to do some invitations for you, babes ;)

Bisous!

♥

This years last snow. Purely artificial. From far away it looked like a triangle had been cut out of the scenery. Kind of fun, but as of today, spring has conquered our hearts. Apparently the female starling is already back from her winter holiday presumably from centre- Europe.  

Our nights lately are filled with cries and moomin-songs. As granny stayed over, she got the full experience of a 1 year old trying to teach her some bird-names - that's the jackpot of the night. Oh, our little cute ornithologist. But sleeplessness is wearing us down, especially now, where it's easy to catch a cold (that happened too, last week) and the body is worn out from the long sun-less winter. But we're hanging on!

To get a drivers licence, everyone must take a first-aid-course and that's when I experienced, that i definitely don't want to go back to high-school. We did get to do heart massage along this song: Fun, especially all the high-school girls and boys blushing and being embarrassed for no reason. But i know, for sure now, that i'm still that very annoying nerd, who wants all the questions corrected and checked, even when it's not necessary. Absolutely. Not. Necessary.

I can't say, that i like this nerd-person i become (sometimes), but it seems to get the best  of me when I'm nervous. And that happens for example in a seminar, when the professor asks a question and everybody is acting as if they're deaf. Then it happens. I'm bound to say something stupid. "Could someone give a short conclusion of last weeks seminar?". Twelve(or so) people just staring into the sealing, and i decide to answer. But I wasn't even there last week! phuhh. 

Embarrassing... so embarrassing. 'cos there are'nt any "golden eggs" happening in that moment. I should've just waited a little longer. Mouth shut.

My conclusion: i need to get out more... and talk to people... talk to adults.

It's a bit weird to write about chit-chat, while serious things are happening not far away here in Europe. I hope a peaceful solution will arise and that each side is working hard that as their goal.

See you soon!

♥

Hi!

I haven't updated my blog for so long, that i don't even know how to start now. As usual, it's best to start with the weather: the snow is gone now. There have been even sunny days accompanied with bird twitter all around, but spring in February seems more like a cruel joke, where the punch-line could be a surprise winter in April. On the 4th march there's this celebration of (the translator said:) Shrovetide. The last big feast before fasting, with traditional sledge rides, (this year in the mud i suppose,) and pea-soup and salted beans. And buns with whipped cream. It's a moving holiday and last year we were out on our skies at that time.

My driving lessons are almost finished and it's soon time to take the exams. I have this "let's get it over with" feeling. Don't really know if it's good or not, but i really would like to spend my own time in a different way already.

Juss is nowadays totally into birds. We have two books: European mammals and European birds, and the last one is a clear winner. From last week we've been listening to a bird twitter CD non-stop. I wish I could preserve this interest and nourish it, or else it'll move on like the muumins- facination, which i'm glad is not so strongly present any more. Altho' every nap starts with the request of the moomin-song. But birds are even cooler; it's an interest in nature and life, with many questions and fascinating answers, when found.

Miki woke up, so this is it for today.

I'll write to you soon again!

 Bisous!

♥

The snow is gone. And so is the sun. Oh, i really don't like a dark and wet spring starting in february. It's too long! Will there bee any more cold days? I was supposed to take more pictures outside.. hm.

What a week. What a weird week. Guess there are some.

Happy Valentine's day tomorrow!

♥

So what's been going on? Here's the update: nothing really.

My driving lessons seem to be endless, always starting somewhat puzzled about the fact that it's me who's sitting in the drivers seat and holding the wheel. And then turning the wheel. Still unreal. But it feels like i've been taking these lessons for ages: it's only a month. It's given me a busy schedule, putting everything else on hold. 

The camera gets taken out less recently. We also keep forgetting to take it with us. For months i've been thinking of taking a family portrait, but it has never come to it.

On Saturday night I knitted the sleeves to a sweater i started last year in January. I finished at 3am. That satisfying moment! But then three more ideas hit me and there the feeling went. 

This is the frustrating life of a housewife at home with little kids: where ever you look you see tasks screaming to be finished or projects to be started. There is hardly ever this "it's done"-feeling . Overwhelmed by it all sometimes.

Before anyone accuses me of forgetting birthdays... not true! But the acting on it part is not working out. I should stop writing letters in my mind. There are too many piled up already. Sometimes telepathy is not such a bad idea.

I had tickets to a showcase this Sunday... and  i didn't go, because... I forgot it. I've been talking all year how i wanted this... and this is the result. Embarrassing.

Found this photo while looking for something to accompany this totally nonsense post. It's an old one, maybe 2009? 2008? I'm still wearing the make-up and hair I had in a play that evening -it brings back many bitter-sweet memories. Oh, it would be a too long story to tell. Life and theatre back then... Different times.

Looking forward to tomorrow. A chance to enjoy the company and something yummy!

♥

Oh, i love days which start with good news. :) Greetings to new parents!

This weekend we realized our Christmas-present: a weekend at Värska spa. Värska is known for it's sparkling springwater, sanatorium and (healing) mud-baths. The sanatorium was established in the 70es and it still carries that vibe (building, food, interior), but feels probably comfortable for the older generation, who otherwise in too fancy lounge-rooms with white couches would feel awkward and out-of-place. Since 2009 a water-centre joined the sanatorium and formed Värska spa. It's the only one in Estonia where you can swim in springwater. The water-center has various swimmingpools and is .. well, more modern. It's also a popular dating-place for the local youth.  :))

Martin wanted to give the family a present, that would make each member happy and it was a success: he got to swim every day, the boys enjoyed the water and the salt-chamber, i got a massage and was freed from cooking and cleaning for the weekend. Perfect.

Now it's back to house-chores and drving-school. Can do it!

♥

"Change is safe"

This was said by a friend, who quoted someone, who thought of this in a difficult moment (or is it from a song?). Since I've heard it, i feel that it's a powerful sentence, with a very though and deep meaning behind, once you start reminiscing. It is comforting. Life seems to be about change, something we fear and need at the same time. The positive and the negative. Now, when i think of it, it's scary. Especially the negative.

But about the positive: I'm making a change too. I rolled in a driving-school last year and this week had my first driving lessons, today in the freaking intercity, at 6.15pm, right after rush-hour! Okay, this is a little town and the traffic is actually "drowsy" as experienced people say, but for me it was like woawoawoawoooaaaa! 

We survived.  Huh!

But I sure am exited. A new world is opening up again little by little. I like that. It's like learning a new language. Fluent is the goal.

New year. Why not start something new?

Oh, this reminds me of a quote of Monty Phyton " ..and now for something completely different: a man with two noses."

♥

There was a post intended in September with pictures of an old farm, a barn with no roof, old trees and plenty of space. The words under it: we bought a farm. For months i was exited and happy about it, but then it didn't work out. One of last years most tough lessons. Seems that in these two years i aged ten. It's great to be able to know what you want, but when it becomes too difficult to achieve... then what? I start to question myself, and the confidence of living on a farm is shaken hard. Would i even fit in the village atmosphere? What was the big plan anyway?
Well, for my family it would be great. Growing up in small and safe community, spending time outside and doing things hand in hand with nature. It's a world very unfamiliar to me, but it exits me to try to stretch out my limits and face some of my fears. I am not even thinking that it'll be isolating or lonely, because that can happen easy in big cities too. We've been saving up first to have a wedding, then the idea of the farm came and now we're too stingy to use that money "just" for celebrating something, but there's no farm, no house, not even an apartment at sight as well. Nothing is decided yet. But it feels a bit like having two empty hands.

Anyway, i hope this year we can figure some of it out. 
Sitting here with an ear-infection, writing about limits and fears, having this or that... unsure is the word i guess i was looking for. All i want is to get better and to my family to stay healthy. Everything else comes after that. But it still comes, right?

♥

Huh, this post has been started at least three times(nights) already. So, what was i saying again?  :))

Happy 2014!

After Christmas we decided to stay at home on new years eve, to have some quiet time. We planned to put the kids to bed and then stay up just until after midnight, before having a nice dinner. I got all ready to roll some sushi (that's what i call it) and bake a pie and all. Kind of romantic for young parents: eating good food by ourselves and then watching the fireworks form our winter-garden. There were some ingredients still missing for my sushi (like... the main things), so we headed all out on the 31th. Some kids were trying already their fireworks out and that's when our plan to escape was again on the table. Truth is, we prefer not to stay in the city/town on new years eve. It's noisy. And there's this nervousness, i think.

Since our guests, who planned dropping by, also cancelled, the road was clear. Like crazy ants we baked the pie, rolled the sushi, packed our bags and at 5pm started the car to drive 100 km south to our friends, who run a sheep-farm and to celebrate new years eve in a village centre.

Well, like a miracle our two little ones just slept almost until midnight, so we could dance, eat and converse with people. Twelve o'clock we wished happy new year through the phone to each other: i was nursing Miki inside (in solemn loneliness) and Martin and Juss were outside looking at the fireworks coming from the neighbour village (or somewhere.. i wasn't there, i have no idea). Soon after that, we headed to sleep in front of a fireplace. We snored before the babes did. 

It was an interesting evening and the following day. Some thoughts came up again and made us think. I this the year we'll making those decisions?  About that, next time.

The next day i was at loss, like always when im a guest, i don't know what to do... i feel so awkward eating myself away (there are some amazing cooks over there), so i ended up hiking outside in the woods with some of the kids of the house. That was quite amazing and i had a great time. I was not their nanny, but a friend and that's such a better position to be in. 

Winter is coming at last!

♥

Es ist kalt. Das erste mal in diesem Winter, diese Kälte. Sie bringt uns in das neue Jahr. Frost schmückt den Boden, Sterne die Himmelskuppel. Die Kälte beißt an Beinen, Fingern, an meiner Nase. Ein paar Meter von uns ist die Feier im Kulturhaus im vollem Gange. Tanzende Figuren schaukeln an goldig glühenden Fenstern vorbei. Es ist still. Die Musik, als käme sie von einer anderen Welt, stört die Stille hier nicht. Diesseits, wo die ganze Erde im Nullpunkt zu stehen scheint. Wohl die Sterne, denke ich, die schwere Samt-decke mit Brillanten bestickt. Es ist unheimlich so weit durch den Kosmos zu blicken, durch die bekannten Figuren, in den staubig zarten Sterneschein dahinter.