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I remember some kind of anxiety, being so determined before the weekend to visit this and that store and finding the perfect drying rack as if everything depended on it. My legs were almost numb, but it was still important to figure out standing in front of those shelves, if we need these things to make frozen yoghourt now, or should i find better ones. 

Somewhere in my heart i knew that there wasn't really much time left. This is how i  see it now, at that time i thought i have plenty of time. At least a week or two. Since the statistics say that. The appartment was a mess, and it was still a mess as we came home from the hospital. Our moms did the best they could by cleaning everything on saturday, but things still weren't put in place. I tried also my best on that day, but then concentrated to get  t h e  b a g  ready. As our moms went home, we went out to town, ate cake and took a long walk chatting and planning maybe a quik birth rehersal on sunday. 'cos ther's pleenty of time. Martin went  to a friends birthdayparty, i watched a movie at home. Nothing was happening.

But just as he came home at midnight and we were going to bed...there it was . Actually in the morning i had the same kind of "feelings" but as they were not regular and disapeared after a while, we thought of it as false alarm. (It is also advised, if all is well, to stay at home as long as  possible, walk,  rest or even eat. But it means that one has to know the symptoms, when it's not.) About 3.30 am Martin called a cab and as we were riding towards the hospital, we were still not really beliving that tonight's the night. As we stepped out into the warm night to get into the cab, i saw a huge moon in the sky. It was the largest and most golden moon i've ever seen. There was no pain, just exiting curiosity.

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Oh, already June? update.

It's Jaanipäev, or Midsummer. Yesterday was the night where the sun never sets. The sunset went directly to being the sunrise. And as a tradition of the weather here... it rained the whole day. The day before was a brigt sunny day, the day after almost too.

Its a night where people grill outside, make a fire, eat and drink .. a bit too much. (Here's a clip from the estonian new years programm "tujurikkuja", translates into something like "moodkiller" perhaps. A lot of selfironi: the estonian police thanked (officially) this show sincerely for doing this).

Martin is in Canada and my mom is here to help me out. Well, i can't say i don't enjoy the breakfast-lunch- dinner routine. It's been a while since eating three times a day was possible :) (or needed).

Grandma is totally enchanted by our little one and so chatty, that i bearly keep up. When Juss is asleep i think she feels  a bit bored :). Hopefully the more time we spend together the more content she'll get.

I have been meaning to write also about Martins phd. defence and so one, but i think i wait until i have also some pictures to acompany the writing. Guess it'll be more interesting.

Also i've been thinking to write a german post about pregnancy and birth, because there have been questions asked and also because i feel that what i learned and experienced is worth some sharing. Juss's birht was short in time, totally meditatious and not that painful (as some women prepared me to, whit a smirk on their face - really mean). It was teamwork, wiht carefully chosen team-members, luck and the largest moon of the century in the sky that night. Hm, maybe not just in german.

 I cant wait for Martin to return and to finally have a vacation. Beacause of phd and the conference and million other obligations the family-time has been measured by hours and half-weekends. But oh how i want a week! ;)

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I've been missing France lately. Not like missig the food, altho...mm... eclaire!... but more the feeling i had last spring riding the streets of Nantes with that pink bike. The smell of morningair, how the sun felt on ones cheek. And the wind! We tried to fly the kite, that Guillaume surprised us with last year, on the weekend but the fun was cut short, cos the wind just didn't cooperate. Eating out with Martin, strolling next to the castle. Even just cooking. A meal. A full meal. With dessert. Oh.

I miss the centrecity, walking and running along the l'Erdre..

hm.. so strange. i remember kind of missing the same things here, when i was over there.  ._.  weird....

 

 

 

It's probably since life back here is yet now so utterly different. The white nights are now not for winedrinking at the riverside or walks, bikerides coming dancing from a club. No long days sitting in the library, working through some boring material that then becomes so very interesting, when you just get it.

Time and space, the way i think, everything has changed so much in these two years and in such different directions. I hope i can and wondering how i will manage to put it all under one hat.

But one day we'll go and eat oisters again in Nantes and i'm curious how Juss will like them? :)