♥

Just in case anyone is also suffering from a cold or even flu, here's a little energyboost recepie:

-one cup of cranberrys.

-half a cup of honey.

-ginger,

-lemon,

-and garlic (or onion.. as you prefer)  as much as you like. (but not more than a half a cup, i think, unless you'd like it really gingery (: )

I had one slice of lemon, two pieces of garlic and a half of a smaller ginger-root.

Mix it all together in a blender and voila! Done.

I just ate it with a spoon during the day, or with pancakes, or bread.

I got this recepie from my mom, to get better soon.

The best way to store cranberrys is in water and in the refigirator, not without the water in the freezer, because they could dry out there (yes, stuff dires aslo in the cold).

Hope you're good!

♥

Joyeux Noël!

Frohe Weihnachten!

Häid Jõule!

♥

Oo christmastree!

A few weeks ago i was busy making these little crochet snowflakes. It was a bit addictive :) but im fine now. Our tree came on friday from the supermarket, but it is never the less amazing. We have never had a whole tree in the house before (at our parents places yes, but not here with us) so it's extra great! I hope i can have a better photo of it soon.

My nose is still not better, neither is Juss's, but we're still on the xmas-rollercoaster... like it or not. But yesterday was actually nice, my great-aunt had her 85th birthdayparty in a pub :) I try as much as i can to ignore my health and just enjoy being with people. Im not sure if it's a good idea. In the long run. Still, im hoping for the best. Drinking a lot of tea and water, eating garlic (mmm!) and ginger, keeping my legs warm in woolsocks.. the usual routine :)

Wish me luck! Stay healthy! And enjoy the holidays!  

♥

♥

Hello again from the winterprisoners! 

Some people are like vitamin C and i wish i could take a tablet every day ! :)
Thank you Mihkel for visiting us during this really cold time. Check out his funny project and other work! I loved how he just asked me bluntly "and what now?" "what's your project?" "where's your work?". I needed to hear that from a person who knows me for a long-long time, has seen me bloom and has seen me fall appart. Someone who knows my strong and weak sides, but is not too close to get his fingers burned, when i don't like what i hear. After our talk i felt, that i've been hibernating for too long, honestly, it's been going on for years, i think. Even before we moved to France for a year. Unbelivable!
Among many other things, we talked about something called the 30 day challenge and different ways to take more out of ones life. I feel so inspired and glad that now i can step into the next year with a brave mindset. I also found this lady in youtube, talking about taking action, getting motivated. Sometimes it's just needed that someone not only tells you to do it, but also gives the little steps that need to be taken, to get there in the first place.

A lot will be going on now: Granny is in town, the new wardrobe has arrived in the shop and is waiting to get picked up. And tomorrow the christmas-rollercoaster will begin. And all i want is just... . You know. 

I started two 30 day challenges: one is adding something to my life (and hopefully will help me to make a point :P), the second one is limiting something. It's a nice combo for now. I'll tell you later, what it was and how it went.

And for you i have a 30 day challenge aswell: read a different poem every day for 30 days.
Highly educational? Highly inspirational? What do you think? Doable? 

Have a great weekend!

♥

About the tree.

My grand idea was to go with Juss to the market and just buy one. Simple.

But as it's so cold outside, -12C (nearing -20 soon), adding the strong wind, it's not possible to make this trip. We are officially grounded. By the weather. Someone asked friends in facebook, if they should go out today and all responses were negative. Looking out the window... it's a shame, the light was gorgeous for photographs. Sparkling frost.

I'll just punish myself with christmastea and gingerbread and chocolate, okay!? :)

Do You have a tree at home?

EDIT: OH! I forgot to mention: Martins sister, same age as me, just got her truckdriving licence! So if you see a blond, slim girl, dressed in pink, driving a truck, it's probably my sister-in-law :D

♥

 

We might as well go by the name family Schnupfen now.

As Martin arrived from Australia to a winter (horror)wonderland, with the main highway not really being in order and all busses being booked, getting a cold was no problem at all. So for one week  - one man down, second week  - two men down. But inbetween we had some time to go to look for a christmastree!

A breath of fresh cold air, the magnificent silence and all that snow! It would've been just a nice walk, a bit emotional with the tree and all, but an average still... unless, i don't fall into a creek. Or me and Martin both fall in!? It's exactly what happend. Then i lost the digital camera.... so we had to look for it... in the knee deep snow.... and found it! Martin did. 

A difficult adventure, like  Martins nephew said. Happyness came with hot tea and dry socks. Meanwhile was my sister-in-law on her way to a party and asked me to do her hair. Since i like braiding, it was nice.

But the tree we got ended up in the oven. So. Still no christmastree. I do hope we get one. Soon!

I already have some ideas. He..

♥

We have sunshine! Everything is under a white blanket!

This week is almost over - what a ride! From super stressed and worried and upset to happy-happy-joy-joy!

My stresslevel rose to it's max on monday, 'cos of a misdialed number. Don't ask, but there are apparently people out there, who have no idea how to be polite, when someone calls a wrong number. Maybe it's because the rudest person i know, usually, is myself, that i was so shoked about it. 

Only on wednesday granny and i felt settled in about living here together for a week, we are both not so great at acclimatization when it comes to sharing personal space. But in the end we managed nicely, it just took some days to get there. 

Martin is finally back and right after he arrived (he ought to arrive some time after noon, but cos of the snow and all it turned out later) we had tickets to a play. My mom looked after Juss, who selpt most of the time, and we had some quality time in a best sence. The play was totally heartwarming and well acted and directed. It felt so weird being out whitout my baby, like i had forgotten something to take with me. But i was able to enjoy it also, since he was in good hands after all.

Today we're going to buy i new baby-stroller, since Juss barely fits in the old carriage. He is soo tall! And handsome! and all smiles!  And im being totally objective here :D

Enjoy the sunday!

♥

All is full of ... snow. It hasn't stopped snowing since yesterday. A real blizzard.

Hoping for this kind of weather tomorrow. Snow and sun. That'll be fun!

♥

The fog has cleared and snow fallen upon it all. The backbone of this week is broken and a heart had some time to be mended, or at the very least, calmed. Im still waiting for that particular Email, but since mine is not read, an answer can not be sent.

Waiting. A not too popular activity, right? Like a frozen snowflower inbetween two windowglasses. Blocking the light, the view, as being the view itself. A cklock that ticks but does not move. A womans life full of waiting. For someone or something. Him, her and the milestones set by life itself. A constant way of being.? 

A dear friend said once: don't look down on housewives. And i never will again.

 

♥

Kus on see pausi nupp siin elus? Hea meelga vajutaks. Ja läheks siis kööki võileiba tegema.

♥

He knows. 

But as i don't tie my photographs necessarily with my posts, this shouldn't be an exeption.

Martin is in Australia and im out of sleep. And I'll be out of sleep for a too long time in my opinion. Granny is here to help and it's nice to eat 3 times a day a warm meal, but it doesn't change the fact that im desperatly in need of some slumbertime myself. At least some quiet-time. 

Please cross your fingers, that Juss decides to start sleeping again more than 45 minutes at a time. Im happy even with just 3 little hours. As granny says that he needs to sleep in his own bed, and I kind of agree, i slept maybe all together 2 hours, maybe 3, last night.. starting from 23 until 8 in the morning.  

People without children, appreciate your night-time rights :)!

♥

Die Musik spielt zu Hause eine wichtige Rolle. Wir versuchen mit einer Vogelgezwitscher-CD einen Schlummerzeit-Signal zu konstruieren. Bis jetzt erfolglos, meiner Meinung nach. Anstatt Vögel ist jetzt Mono drann. Sie spielten in Riga am 15. November und sogar Tickets hatten wir besorgt, doch es ging nicht: nach Juss's Erkältung war ich drann und danach fühlte ich mich wir eine ausgepresste Zitrone. Bin aber froh, dass ich die Chance mal hatte. In Nantes. Jetzt spielen sie jeden Abend hier bei mir. Zu empfehlen... aber nur in guter tonqualität.

Meine Nich-Oma-aber-Verwantin-die-doch-auch-wie-eine-Oma-ist hat mir neue Hausschue geschenkt. Nun laufe ich hier wie auf Wolken.  

Detusch, Deutsch, Deutsch. Vorgestern besuchte ich eine Vorlesung... eine Lehrkraft sprach mich davor an... und ich sto-sto-sto-tterte was hin. Das Ohr hörte nicht mehr gut und die Zunge wuste nicht mehr wohin-warum. Peinlich-peinlich. Doch so einfach geht's mit dem Vergessen. Die Vorlesung war interessant. Der Professor interessanter. Ich mag's wenn doch ein paar witzige Kommentare im Referat sind, oder besser, wenn kleinwenig improvisiert wird. 

♥

My original thought was not to post any posts at night anymore, because they seemed to be a bit too melancholic. But as i am sleepless right now, i decided to look the other way, for once. Again.

I don't know how it happend. Time has started to run, galloping over the frosty meadows, into the woods, into the dark winter. My heart is pounding fast, while the clock keeps ticking away. Our diamond, our cristal, our apple of the eye, our wonderful gift from the universe, our son. He's just awesome. Telling tales in his own language. Highlights of the day.

Now for every sunday, for 4 hours, i'll be doing something. It'll be finished by christmas. I hope it'll turn out just as great as i imagine. Maybe that's why i can't sleep: im just too exited?

It's been monday for an hour now. Have some blues:

 

♥

We re-watched the Matrix trilogy this week (pressing pause when Juss needed some sleep-nursing.). I was 13 when the first one came out, and to be honest, i didn't get much of the dialogue then. Just remembered awesome Keanu and miss Moss, and all that leather flying around. 

But if you've got some time on your hands, why not watch something you've already seen, but it's been a long while. It's interesting to find out how you remembered things and how they really were, or looked like. During time people gain new knowledge and that affects how things can ... just to be all matrixy... be decoded. We had some nice discussions later. 

As a review: Matrix and Super Mario are kind of  similar. The Quest, the One, saving everyone, here and there a little religion knitted into it, here and there some mythology. We were reminded of many other movies and scenarios, one of them was Lord of the Rings. The good and the bad.. uhgh. Shrugging my sholders.

And of course it's the same with books; meaning that the perspective changes. Just might take some more time. Im still working on my catch-up with the newspapers.

Have a nice weekend!

♥

On Sunday Martin celebrated his first Fathers-day :)

Time is flying. We are expecting teeth. Already!? By christmas, im sure, at least 2. It feels as im supposed to send him off to school next week. He grows so fast. 

November has been so far an emotional ride.

On the Weekend we went to a gathering of the previous members of the student theater. It was so good to see old friends again. Some of them stopped by at our place on friday aswell. Juss has some crazy aunts now, who sure know how to keep you laughing the whole night. 

Having jobs, raising babys... guess we're all grown up now, huh!?

Neh, no, we're not. Same old- same old.  

On Sunday it was my turn to have a red nose. But at least now we know why i wasn't feeling all that well the past week - it was all just building up to a mega running red nose.

♥

The things they* don't recommend you to eat while pregnant:

- aloe
   I bought a big bottle of aloe-juice in my first trimester, but after one sip it was a "no" from all my senses.
-saffron
  again, ... had a saffron-soup at a restaurant and couldn't eat it.
- parsley
   both parsley and saffron are mentioned as ingredients, that could harm the pregnancy itself. scary.
   but already the smell makes one stay away from it.
- soft drinks
   everything bubbly can cause this acidy feeling in the stomac.
- alcohol
   even red wine. I enjoyed alcohol-free beer or root-beer, since it's actually healthy and nutritious.

In the last trimester it's also advised to stop eating sweets and wheat, since the nutritive value is not so great as the baby could just gain weight and get too big. I didn't stop really... but i tried hard to kind of stay balanced. Less pasta, more rice.

Well, that's all i can remember now. I'll edit it, when something pops up again in my mind.

*a bunch of books and my pregnancy-joga-instructor.

♥

Juss has been stuck at home for almost two weeks. It was his first time to have a cold and a running nose. Luckly it was not too serious and now he's much better. But we still wait a couple of days until we hit the outdoors. (hmm...) You can't really comfort a Little One with nothing else than hugs and kisses, however that doesn't take away the uncomfortable feeling of being sick. Im happy to see him getting better and in a good mood. But the sleepingscedule is a disaster. I spent just two hours putting him to his nap and it ended with tears and he's back playing with his toys, utterly tired and im at the end of my wits. Therefore Martin took him to a car-ride. Maybe it'll work.

November is by far the gloomiest month here. It's wet and cold, and without the snow, also kind of dark. I wish to get some christmaslights and cinamon-candles to make the days and evenings a bit sweeter and brighter, so i'll be hunting for that in the weekend.

♥

Have a great weekend!
Be loaded with zoul :)

♥

This couch is in our wintergarden, which since the snow came, is like a fridge. It would be nice to spend another summer in this apartment. As we arrived, the wintergarden was full of furniture and seemed unused. Martin did a great job making it the best place to be in the early summermornings and  late summernights (during the day it got too hot). This couch kind of reminds me of home. It's a piece of furniture that usually old people have, or students. It's like sitting at granddads. Once i almost asked an old man if he'd want to be my granddad. It was on a bus and he seemed to be lonely. Juss also has no granddads. Well technically...but still... no granddads. Yet the more awesome are the grannys though! 

Anni, my mom and Juss in July. Anni, my moms neighbor, had her 99th birthday last week. She's been like a granny to me since when i was a child. Due to this day i still get candy from her, when i visit. Refusal is not possible :)

♥

Just feels a bit like receiving a present. Thank you Uli, ♥! for displaying my photograph. And for being an inspiration.
Ulrika Kesteres blog is definetly something, that makes me smile, a lot. Try it! It works ;)

♥

Es lebte mal ein alter Mann, in einem alten Bauernhof; umgeben von schönen Wiesen und Wäldern. Doch keine Kinder spielten jeh dort, auch seie keine Frau jehmals im Hof  hin und her geeilt. Mit Wäschekorb, oder Kelle. Auch einen Tier, das den Alten als den Herren sah, gab es nicht. Jedoch war die Scheune voll, wie auch der Speicher und das Wohnhaus. Die Sauna, die auf der anderen Seite des Weges lag, war schon vor langer Zeit eingestürzt. 

Im Dorf wusste man, dass der Alte fast nie, sehr-sehr ausnahmsweise, sich von seiner Rente  was zu essen kaufte und nie den Buss nahm, sonder nur zu Fuss auf dem Weg war. Und auf dem Weg war er nicht selten: alte, verlassene Häuser, Müllhalden, herruntergekommene Läden, Antiquariaten, Recycle-Zentren. Er nahm und kaufte alles was er konnte und hebte es dann zu Hause auf. Bücher, Kleider, Zeitungen, Koffer, Tassen, Teller, Radios, Mixer, Hefte, Stifte -  die Liste wäre unentlich. Dies musste er dann auf den Rücken zurück geschleppt haben. Den ganzen Weg. Ein blauer Müllsack, den man später fand, war z. B. voll von Zeitungen, alle mit dem gleichen Datum. Wahrscheinlich vom Verkauf übriggebliebene. Koffer voll von Briefumschlägen. Müllsäcke voll von Kleidern. Neue. Alte. 

Die Scheune war schon so voll, dass kein Mensch nicht mal einen klitzekleinen Schritt hinein machen konnte. Durch eine Ecke des Fensterrahmen im Wohnhaus schlich sich der alte Mann hinein. Dort hatte er seine Tunneln und Gänge, das Restliche hielt schon den Dach und die hintere Wand vom einstürzen und ... Wärme. 

Die Wärme von Sachen.  Die Wärme von Sachen? 

Sachen. Habe. Besitz. Stuff. Foubri. Asjad.

Wir standen da und wunderten, ob es nicht auch Leute gab, die mit ihren Sachen ins Hof fuhren und dem Alten ihren Müll verkauften.

Als der Alte starb, wurde der Bauernhof verkauft, samt Allem. Eine junge Familie kaufte es dann. Im Sommer wurde ein Zimmer, mit Hilfe viler Helfer, im Haus lehrgeräumt. An einem Herbstwochenende sollte mal in der Scheune etwas Platz gemacht werden. Wenn man was fand, was einem gefiel, durfte man es mitnehmen, alles andere war wegzuwerfen. Anfangs schien vieles mitnehmbar, aber nach einer Weile nicht mehr... es war einfach zu viel da.

Als wir zurück fuhren, lag dieser Sack und ein Band von Kafkas Romanen auf dem Hintersitz.

Ich erinnere mich an ein Artikel über Yoko Ono in der auch etwas über ihre Art Sachen (Schuhe, Wohnungen, Häuser usw.) zu sammeln stand. Es sei aus Mangel an menschlicher Wärme und Zuneigung oder das Gefühl der Verlassenheit. Aber ich erinnere mich auch nur wage.

♥

Eating secret-chocolate at midnight in candlelight. Fantastic.

♥

Here's a list of books i hope to come across some day:

John Cage "For the Birds"

Bill Bryson "At Home: a Short History of Private Life"

Gaston Bachelard "The Poetics of Space"

Tom Robbins "Skinny legs and all"

Miranda Kerr "Treasure Yourself"

Usually i read or hear about some books; think to myself "someday i'll take a look" and then forget about it the next minute/moment/day/week/year. So i thought i'll keep a list of them here. My lates encounter with a book was a disapointmen. But as im still reading the newspaper from 5th october, i have no idea when i get a chance to read these. (Like the pile of books next to the bed wasn't enough?) For now i got Tom Robbins "Skinny legs and all" and Bachelards "The Poetics of Space" from the library."Skinny legs..." was the only Tom Robbins book they had, and it's in english, therefore im hoping to improve my language skills. But it's all music of the future. First i have to catch up with the newspapers....


EDIT:
I had added two other ones later, but forgot to post it:

David Lodge "Thinks..." (translated into estonian 1,2)

W. Somerset Maugham "Strictly personal"

♥

These are our new roommates: Velocirapton and Dilqphosaurus. Waiting for Juss i thought a lot about my own childhood and remembered how facinated i was about dinosaurs. Hence i had a cool book about them. Many-many things from that book are now proven wrong or developed to a totally new level, so im looking forward to find out more. Just need to find some good literature about it. Since last winter there are little dinosaurs hanging around here. It's awesome that Martins colleagues have been doing some actual dinosaur-digging in France. Cool, right?

-.-

Funny how "guys digging dinosaurs" are cool and then you become a teenager and it changes into "guys playing the guitar in a basement-band". And then it changes again.

On a more zen level:

I liked this post about getting your life a bit more... zen. I picked out two i wanted to achieve this week:

 - go to bed early

and

-finish old tasks before taking new ones

The firs one seems to work only then, when i wake up early and be really tired and not lie awake for two hours in bed.  The second one i might have started off reaching too far ... the sweater i started two years ago.  But when i'll finish it, i'll feel great :)

♥

First snow! This is how the garden looked like in the early-early morning. Can't help the fact, that now i start thinking and waiting for the holydays. Honey, where are our christmaslights?!

I had a great time on wednesday! Thank you M for asking me out for dinner :) It was nice to have a little break from the everyday routine. And i definetly want to go to that place again, the food was so delicious.

 

♥

Al Pachino and Dustin Hoffman once did a movie together. Dustin was quite struggeling with his role, he tried many things, went on a diet, worked out, read the books, stood on his head... but still.. nothing. Then Al asked him: have you tried acting?

My favourite colour is grey. And foggy weekends... perfect. As we woke up on saturday with sore throats, we decided not to drive to my school reunion. So instead of going on a trip, i looked up the sweater i've been knitting for Martin literary for years. The body part is done. There are still the sleeves. As for now im halfway to reach the goal. I promised to finish it last winter, but didn't manage. This time around im pretty optimistic.. since after that i can start something new.

The foggyness got better and better sunday evening and we went for a latenight walk. And played, while Juss slept, checkers. Of course, i lost. But learned. On our walk we talked a lot and then Martin remembered that story about the two actors.

We laughed. And then i smiled into myself.

♥

I did an Edit on that post. And im keeping the blog. Let it be a monologue into the internet-desert. Maybe someday i hear an echo. Maybe.

I could write about the wedding or a friends babys 9th month birthday or the sunday we spent at Karulas national park.  No picture to prove it. It was a strange weekend. The thoughts are still circling around. Strange, but in such a good order. The future gained some lines. Now i just have to calm down, put daydreaming aside and start doing some little steps towards that future.

I'll write, another time.

♥

An early autumn sky from Juss's perspective.

I dont' really know anymore why im writing this blog. The last post showed me this very clearly. As i was writing it, it's sense just vanished in thin latenight air. I struggle with this language, i know it. The idea of keeping in touch with everybody from abroad has just isolated me in this oneway monolog. As writing to everybody becomes writing to nobody in perticular.

Im no photographer, nor an artist in general. This is neither a artblog, literature-blog, fahsion-blog or a mommy-blog. What is it then? Blogging about everyday life; Isn't it too bland? As im not even good at it.

I like writing. I do. 

I just lost the direction where i wanted to go. 

I read one girls blog about doing a project of visiting a museum every week and writing about it. Sounds great. Especially the part of visiting museums. Or gallerys; there are plenty in Tartu. 

There are some things im doing, (may be called projects,) but for now i don't want to share them. Not yet. 

♥

Body-issue.

A quick post.

I'll write about it because i think it's important. To me. It started with a sentence of a friend (like so many things, which is great!). It was when i announced that we were becoming parents; that i was pregnant. /Now you can eat a lot, everything you want, cos it's allowed, want my sandwich? chocolate icecream?/.

My midwife also told me, that often the pretty-slender-perfect-body-girls ride right after the meeting to a fastfood drive-in... cos it's all allowed now...

Since im a person who never got through a diet..., i just got hungry and then thought *shrug*  i'll just eat. That means i've been eating everything i want all along. Not always quality over quantity, but times more healthy, times not so. And i've been in my current state(minus the muscles) since highshool. I even went to my BA graduation ceremony with the same custom-made dress i wore graduating 9th grade. Body-type: curvy, weight: normal. That said. I really didn't like people asking me how much I gained during pregnancy, with a smile on their face. It felt weird to hear, even more to answer. Then i just said that i've gained enough and the baby is growing well. I think, thanks to the fact that there was never  forbidden fruit in my diet, i didn't go crazy and just ate the way i normally did, putting a bit more attention to the healthy stuff. I also took a nutrition consultation from an expert during pregnancy; i wanted to do something good for me and my baby. 

I had these thoughts as i was looking for a dress to go on a wedding the coming friday. I noticed that it's hard to find one in what you can actually nurse, (without being forced to take the whole thing off). I hope buttons will find their way into fashion again.

The meaning of this post? To tell myself that im beautiful.
Hope you weren't too annoyed.

EDIT:

The trigger of this post was/is my own insecurity when trying on dresses in the department store. I guess i wanted to make a statement to myself. To look at myself with a generous eye, telling my body, that it does a great job. To turn my eye away from flaws and notice the pretty parts im truly proud of. 

Why this is such a "huge" deal? 

As i was a teenager it was a hard issue for me. And not only for me. It's hard for girls in that age, since beauty seems to have measurements. Bus as i was a member of a rhytmicgymnastic group since the age 6, the transformation was not welcomed. I suffered. Everyone did; the unluky ones, who's genetics predicted some curves here and there. Some went on a diet, some went to dance in the backrow. Before turning 18 i just left. From one day to another. It was a sudden change for others, but not for me. I've had enough. I entered a theatergroup instead and found that inside me is a very interesting person. And people around me were interested in that person, not the waistline.

Looking at pictures from that time i feel regret for not feeling pretty. Also to have kept (or keeping) that critisism so close to heart all this time. The thing im most sad about is that it drove me away from dancing. But i hope this love will someday, in some way, bloom again. 

♥

Waiting for sunny days. They should be ahead. Today was promising. It's a waste that our little camera is getting tired of serving us, as the lens seems lately to be too bored to focus. It's -of course- not MY fault :))) hehe!

 
On wednesday i planned to go with a friend and our babies to a craft class, but i was too exhausted the minute i opend my eyes (could have been from the long week-end?), so i invited them to our place instead for the day. Later she smiled and said that she feels like this every single morning she wakes up. But we both laughed, because while i was telling her how tired i felt, i managed to prepare lunch and dinner like a pro. Seemingly effortless :)

Last friday we wanted to go to the moor to pick berrys but ended up in an animalpark instead. It was our first trip with our car, proud dad driving and all. I took a video of Juss talking to the moos and the moos talking to Juss. They had quite a conversation.

Our foreign friend laughed that estonia is the only country he knows where the bitrhdaychild does her/his own cake. But hei, i feel awkward even recieving presents, as i feel i should give some in return. 

Sunday do: get some sun!

♥

Happy birthday!

I look around and see biscuits, sweets, a quater of a watermelon, and a lot of healthy carrots from yesterday on the tables. The floor covered with an even coat of waffelcrumble. I don't mind. (: Today will be a fine day.

♥

Sleep.

What an luxurious thing. 

Last week, or was it a week before, i finished a book by Bulgakov and was looking for something new to read. Right now i can't even imagine when i was able to do that? Maybe while our little one was asleep, but yeah, that's not happening recently. 

There is a book by Elizabeth Pantley about how to teach children to fall asleep and sleep through the night.Without a single tear :) Im still in the beginning. There's a task of writing down an exact sleepscedule and how surprised i was of how little slumbertime we get. I knew that it's less than we had before,(first two months were actually fabulous) but 3,5 hours max? Thats heavy...

But im sure that i could never do the "cold turky sleeping method" thing... exept wanting to turn my little one into a turky (who would want that :D ?), it feels just unnatural. As mammals divide into ones that hide their babies (as they go hunting for food for exampl.foxes) and to those who carry them with them; even the consistence of the mothermilk depends on in; humans are the latter. We, like monkeys (most of them, i think, no expert here :)) carry our babies and hold them in our arms. Ignoring a cry of a baby is like ignoring a cry for help. How can i teach trust, when i cultivate the feeling of being abandoned?

I was surprised to see that this method of letting your child cry in the next room until she/he throws up or faints or falls asleep from exhaustion, is (still) so popular, or that it even (still) exists. I can only say that i really-really hope my mom didn't try that on me :)) I don't even dare to ask (it was the 80es, but still).

Our sleep here is divided: in the evening we put Juss to sleep together, then Martin sleeps next to him, while i  do some editing or chores or have some time for myself, at night i nurse our baby and in the morning i get some extra hours (from 6-8) while the guys have some play-time. It works, but we're still a bit too tired in my opinion. But as i have friends who have tried the no-cry sleepsolution and were successful, im looking forward to the next chapter.