♥

While Martin was getting our birthday-gift for his uncles birthday, i stayed in the car with two tired kiddos and a radio-program about pre wedding traditions (i think, i might be mistaken!) by the ancient Native Americans. They were rituals of becoming adults to get married. Since i was easily distracted, i didn't get it all: The girl had to perform a 6 hour lasting dance in which she was not allowed to cry or to get angry or emotional, since that would indicate her being that way in her married life later on. After 6 hours she would be massaged and had to dance again. The boy was sent to the woods to find a revelation that would guide his way through life. Usually in a form of an animal or a bird this would appear (out of exhaustion and hunger the reporter said). Bits and pieces from what i heard.

What got me thinking was, that the girls journey to adulthood was a social one in my opinion, as a dance is a performance. How well she can do in a social situation, under pressure, under everyone's eyes? The boys ritual was more about nature and a man's place in it. 

Martin pointed out that men are hunters, but i disagree in this case, since the boy is not going hunting to bring something back, which would be a social thing to do, something for the community, but is there for his own growth and self-realization. I think it's different.

Many questions arise in my mind thinking about it. Dividing men and women into different categories is not very sensible nowadays. Or better said,  it's not very modern. 

Anyways.

♥

It's time!

My little tomato-plants are growing fast, except: this little pepper takes it slow, there's basil, salads and maybe soon it'll be time to try out some carrots and radish? Here's a link for some advice, when it's your first time gardening on your windowsill. (it's not too late!)

My neighbours, who are also our friends from long ago, lent me a book a while ago, like 6 months?, further, i wasn't reading it until recently, when i had to return it, so typical!. And had to buy it online the next day. It's "Peaceful parent, happy kids". There was a time i read a lot and it also helped a lot, since it almost feels like a conversation with someone, who understands your situation and has a genlte way on offering advice. My belle-mère must be wonderwomen, raising 4 kids, who are only bit more than a year apart. Truly fascinating! 

The feeling having had a good day with the kids is on my top list as i experienced it on Monday, when I had to skip Uni. It made me think, if i wasn't a bit too greedy starting to participate in a seminar, for what i barely manage to read the material, since it requires some real concentration. It isn't any fun that way, turning up having read it diagonal. There's definitely good stress and bad stress. But which is which? Spring is a busy time for Martin too and we don't really have a babysitter. So. I don't know. What would you do?


Everything considered:

Why not start off the week with some funny mv (: Enjoy!

♥

That's almost how rosy i feel now, and that after a really hard week. The term "spring tiredness" just got really clear: it exists and is utterly unpleasant. But how to get rid of it?

It took a long and sunny weekend in our summer-capital, with sunsets and sunrises (Miki wakes up 5 am, so...) that remind our mind of carefree childhood summer days. And a couple of most chillaxed friends. That's what it takes.

But it's not always the case in life, where a sun and weekends and all other things just coincidentally work out.  Hence i have an idea, that might be useful in these kind of times:

First step is to stop. Stop stressing. A good friend had once told me, that the thing that makes us tired aren't the things we need to do, but thinking about them, worrying and stressing about them. Saying stop really isn't solving anything, but taking a break and moving in a totally different direction can be useful. So when i got an hour to do my important stuff, that has been stressing me out (and for what an hour is so little time really, even two), i just did the opposite and hung around my family. Okay, i admit, i bought a new lipstick as well and it made me happy, indeed. That minor event aside, letting it all fall for a moment, can be helpful. For a moment. (Because this is also the thing that has let assignments pile up until this moment)

The next step is to move on gradually, dividing it all into smaller assignments (if possible). Keeping record on what's done, rather than the pile of work that's waiting ahead, can give some feeling of achivement. And one of the interesting notations, that i have made, is to start near to your own self. Since it reduces stress and without stress other(s) problems seem more solvable. 

As i am home with a toddler and a baby, my everydaylife is sure different as are the assignments, problems, the stress and the worries. Some of them can never be turned off.  Yet some have stayed the same and them i have to work out in an altered way.

And what really helps? Sleep!
Good night! :)

♥

I thought writing at least two post a week would not be a problem, but there the week goes! Like Woosh! and it's Sunday again. It could become a thing: writing on Sundays: does that mean, that other times it's forbidden, even when there's time and something to write about? And then it would be a must to update every single Sunday and when not, I'd feel bad about neglecting my "duty". There were times when blogging was easy...

The photos here have also become really random. It's funny :) (granny's cat this time)

It's awesome how kids think. For example "Nobody" and "lost" are my favourites nowadays. 

It's like the poem by Shel Silverstein:

“Nobody loves me, nobody cares,
Nobody picks me peaches and pears.
Nobody offers me candy and Cokes,
Nobody listens and laughs at me jokes.
Nobody helps when I get into a fight,
Nobody does all my homework at night.
Nobody misses me,
Nobody cries,
Nobody thinks I'm a wonderful guy.
So, if you ask me who's my best friend, in a whiz,
I'll stand up and tell you NOBODY is!
[..]"

So when asked "somebody is knocking at the door?" and the answer is "nobody is there", i get wide eyes that imagine how that nobody looks like and what else he can do beside knocking there.
And when something is lost, then that for me would mean, that we must look for it, but for the little one, it's like a place. "it's in the next room", "it's on the table", "it's lost" are all equal in meaning. Nothing to worry about: "it's lost = it's on vacation" :)))


Bisous!

♥

 

Since it's been an indoorsy week, i wanted to post some more photos of our trip to the woods. It might sound weird from a woman who just had a baby five days ago, but i really want to go out, like on a hike, visit friends at the countryside, go to the sauna. I do. And, what's even more strange, i might even have the strength to do so. I'm still not done comparing labor to a marathon: the first time it's hard but ecstatic, the second time it's still an effort, but you know how to enjoy it (at some point, bouncing on a giant ball, i asked Martin to tell me anecdotes), but mainly: your technique has made an improvement :). 

♥

What a birthday this year! It's amazing that he chose to be born on his moms birthdays early-early dawn :)

We were all well and good, so we were let home the next day, which was really nice. And there was a birthday-cake already waiting for us :

Do you know people who have their birthday on the same day as their parents? It seems rare :)) but is it?

Have a great weekend and lots of kisses to you all!

♥

♥

The best playground ever

Beard-moss, indicator for clean air

The spotted woodpecker didn't pay us any attention. It was too delicious perhaps.

The idea of a forest-kindergarden is winning me over day by day. Being out there is such a treat.

Have a good Sunday!

♥

 Trying to catch a gray cat.

August is almost over and im getting anxious about September. Oh, the September-blues! Will it come this year?

I do get annoyed sometimes by the silliest things. Like getting down four pairs of stairs with three bags around my neck, a toddler on my hip, and a 9th month pregnancy, when the guy next to me (hands free) expects me to open the door. And he was being polite in a sense of "ladies first".  Now it's kind of funny :) but at that moment... 

Hiro was back to visit Tartu, sadly only for one day, but it was fun and made me regain my good spirit. I don't know what it is, but i like hanging around people i've known before parenting and outside that context. Is that weird? I guess, im not that playground-mom type, which is a pity, since we are heading in to full-time motherhood here in the coming month :). 

♥

How is being pregnant with a toddler different, than being pregnant the first time?

This question seemed more complicated at first, than it really is. The difference is simple actually: you have two kids now. One in your arm, and one in your belly. That also means that the attention is divided. That's where my partner plays a big role, by letting me take time to point my focus also to the the new coming baby, while he's out doing fun things with the older one. 

I was once told, that making a drivers license or any kind of exams, while pregnant, is impossible, because the brain just doesn't want to focus on "unnecessary" tasks and thoughts. It instinctively wants to prepare for the upcoming birth and motherhood tasks. While i thought that my memory during my first pregnancy was terrible, then now i could say, that the disc is simply full. I have forgotten to answer emails, texts, even to call back the next minute. No to mention one of my friends job, that she described just a week before. Then again i have no trouble of remembering what we need from the grocery-store, or what to pack, when going on a trip. When it's family-oriented, i still keep it together. But it also makes me more tired, than i expected. On our latest trip to the national park i didn't take our camera with us, because i felt that my brain couldn't handle one more item to look after, while we hike around. And i was right: the pocket-camera we took, we also forgot there at some point.

The second main difference is that, when before my partner could take care of me solely, now we have already a family to take care of. That's maybe the main reason why the second pregnancy feels more exhausting: i still have to do the things i have to do. Maybe feeling a bit more lonesome is something that is connected to it. While waiting for Juss, i did prenatal joga, went to a water-gymnastics class and met up with many other pregnant women. Now i use the time, when Martin is out with Juss, for sleeping, cooking, cleaning, .. and thinking about all the other things i need to do :)) and often end up waisting time on the net... sadly-sadly.

What will be helpful? I realized recently, that maybe it would be a good idea to make a plan, like for the whole week. So that time would be organized better and i could take time and invest it in something meaningful. Taking time for doing the dishes is okay too, but it can lead to somewhat frustration as well ;) 

We still haven't tried it out, but i hope we get there. It would mean, that i have something to look forward to and would feel fulfilled and accomplished later. 
This time around i also feel that we are both a bit pregnant. We already share the weight of responsibilities and tasks, we've been without any good sleep (like 10 hours straight) for over a year now, we both have backaches and get easily irritated when tired. So no princess treatment is possible, from any side. There is just no energy for that. This one is, egoisticly, the hardest one to accept. 

As my midwife said, this is the second pregnancy and it just is that way.

But i hope i could give an answer, that said more than  "it's hard" or "difficult" or "complicated". 

Ps. Thanks M for a wonderful lunch! It made my day :*

♥

There is this question that keeps popping up lately and i find it always tricky to answer: Is it difficult/hard being pregnant (especially the second time around, while the first kid is still so small)? In my mother-tongue difficult/hard is referred to in a word that also means ´'heavy´'. Carrying two is heavier indeed :)

This "how is it?" question is something i've been throwing around in the past as well, looking for answers. How is it to be pregnant with a small toddler? How is it with a toddler and a baby? The common answer is: it's hard/difficult. Then it's added: the first year is hard, after that it's easier. I feel like i'm lost in translation: hard? easier? These words all in all don't say much. 

I went to look answers in the internet, asking a group in facebook about it. While my belly was growing i got more and more curious, maybe there is something that'll be good to know, from women who already have that experience. But all the answers came back in "don't worry, be happy" -style. I got more precise: "when going out, whom do you dress first?" for example. "Don't worry, it'll all settle naturally... blablabla... but then i dress my youngest first and then i have this trick ...." and so one. So in the end there is advice out there, but it seems it's difficult to share. Why is that, i wonder. Too personal or did they really think it was worry that made me ask these questions, didn't they themselves wanted to know, were curious about things, would've been happy over support, thats more than "don't worry, be happy", in the end it sounds like a nice way to just shut someone up. That's how i replied. I was deeply disappointed, since it was a group that was made by me and an other young mother. It didn't fulfill its purpose for me at that level.

Most of the mothers i know personally, who have same age children, are older than me. In their (mid)-30es. There are only one or two that are the same age, in the mid-twenties, or younger.  So i started to wonder if it might be a generation thing. Of course this is now a huge generalization, but who knows, i just throw it out there. 

The idea came, when a friend, who started university from the beginning with a course of 20year olds (being over 30 herself), said that for her it seems the new generation is much more open. Open to talk about it all, even the uncomfortable stuff. Ups and downs are equally presentable. Being in between, i really don't know. But truthfully, after a while of thinking about it, and noticing what people talk about, i came to agree on that. It's not a universal truth tho, and it's not the age that determines anything, there's just something... that maybe a sociologist(or whoever does that stuff) can figure out or research?

I started to miss my same-old friends, with their humor and irony, their ups and downs, their smiles and tears. :)

I just hope, that even if there is someone out there, who like me, wonders about things and wants to know more, more precisely, wants to share hopes and fears, that they wouldn't feel lonesome and shut up, just because there is a lot of "don't worry"type of answers thrown around. 

As for my own answer for that question. I finally figured it out today. When a little hungover friend called me from the beach this sunday evening asking...

how is it?

me: what do you mean?

Is it hard? It's summer, it must be hard. 

...I shrugged it off. Im cool. Im fine. Pie-ce of cake! But now i'd say: If you think it's hard, why don't you help me?

Asking for help is much more difficult, than offering, don't you agree? I started to be brave. I try to be. I asked people out, made some plans to meet up with a different crowd, than the everything-is-always-perfect-mothers-group. And i also want to hold it in my mind, that when someone comes to me asking questions, i'll take the time to find the answers. :)

♥

This is a subject i have thought about, just to prepare me for the future, theoretically. Even read this great book "Siblings Without Rivalry". But now, it's getting bit more real and i find myself a little lost, because i don't have any kind of experiance in it.

Im talking about siblings. How it's like, when the parents come home one day/night with a new baby? I find it a scary situation and wondering how to handle this the best way i could.

And well, im not the only one. Luckly :)

In the blog of A cup of Jo, there is a post: How do you prepare your older child for a new baby? It's exactly about this fear of what will happen and Jo asks people to leave comments about it. Reading those has already given some ideas of how to deal with this upcoming situation. Im hoping to put some of the advice aside for the coming autumn.

One of the things is surely getting that book out again. From the two  books i've read from Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (my first one, second one, written in reverse order), "Siblings without Rivaly" was more smooth. I enjoyed it a lot. And it's not only for parents about how to deal with children/siblings, it can also help understanding relationships, that have gone in a wrong direction and how to, perhaps, mend them. Or at least, understand them.

Then i liked the idea of this 5-minute game to make your child feel loved. I'd wish that for myself too :)

Also reminding people (friends, family) that they should pay some extra attention to the older sibling, rather than rushing to get to see the new baby. People advise even little presents to the "new big sister/brother" and a sincere conversation. How it'll work in real life? Text people, before they come over?... Hm.

New toys and books were also mentioned. Lately im obsessed to find and make awesome toys for Juss. Firstly, to replace all that plastic, that has found it's way into our home, and secondly, there are so many adorable, beautiful, beautiful and cool toys out there! (this is probably the hormones talking, right?)
How to restrain myself and hide the new beauties?

See, still questions over questions. That's the fun part of life!

♥

There's been alot on my mind lately. And i see it in a positive light.

As i haven't written any personal e-mails recently, im not really in the receiving end as well. It's a pity, but i understand. Im thinking of you with happy thoughts :)

When i was born and raised, the circumstances where completely different, the philosophy of life it self was. So i find myself in constantly explaining things, that for me sound and feel so natural. Further, the way women were treated while giving birth... from today's view, i'd say, it was violence. And to tell my mother how awesome was Juss birth, is just such a gift, altho she listens skeptically, i think. 

I've always  known that i broke my collarbone, when i was born. "I broke it". As i told this to a fellow mom (of 5 children), she laughed and asked if i then dropped on the floor or how else could I have broken that bone. Now i know, that the midwife did it, just to get me out faster. A regular procedure. Like in a factory. I was shocked. Even my mom didn't know that, because the only thing that the nurse told her, was that "the baby had broken her collarbone". Midwives today don't do it, because they know better: there is a slight pause after the baby's head is born, so that the baby can turn his/her shoulders, that come after, with another push. The womb just takes a little siesta before that final one. And if everyone is okay, why would anyone even give birth in that horrible bed anyway. Even moms can't beat gravity :)!

That's why we sceduled a midwife we knew and trusted. It did cost some money, but as people spend more averagely on parties, sports-ecuiptment and other stuff, why not invest in your own (first) child's birth, to make it a beautiful, intimate and pleasant happening?

There was a time we even considered homebirth, but to be honest, i really liked the three days in the hospital.... we didn't need to do anything, we could just look into these awesomely blue eyes. And me and the little one were treated mostly very nicely. Then again, i have never feared doctors or hospitals. But i know some people do.

So, it could've not been more different, than even those first moments as a mother, that experience in the 80es and in  2012. And it goes on.

I'll just make a list of things my mom and other grannys, as i found out from other new moms, don't really "get" or have a hard time to get used to, as it seems so new-age (?):

- The familybed. Martin built last summer this big bed, so we could all have enough room to sleep. We also have a baby/child-bed... but we really don't use it. It is installed next to the big one, but Juss goes there just to hang out sometimes, but sleeps in the big one. He'll "move out" when he's ready :)

- Baby lead weaning. "I never let you eat like this. Porridge flying around and all!" said my mom, when Juss tried to figure out how to get that porridge out of the bowl, using spoon and hands (mostly hands :P), but after some seconds she added "It was a big trouble to get you eat right. To learn to use the spoon. I thought it'll never happen". I just smiled at that point.

- The cocoon. Some babies like to be "tied up". They feel safe. But. Not all :) We like to stretch and fight every blanket there is.

- The baby sling. Without it i could have not been there, when Matin got his PhD and the banquet after that. A once in a lifetime event!

- Public nursing. This is a topic i could write a novel about, because i really get fired up on it. If your child is hungry, how can you not feed it? With the best quality milk, specially designed for your baby. The other party says then, you should stay at home. Yeah, i think too, that 6 months staying at home doesn't cause some emotional distress and depression?! I've noticed that people saying things like that, are not mothers, or if so, have issues about their body. Which is sad. There are so many cover-up things invented for people, who feel embarrassed. Which is again sad, because we live in a society, that has some disturbed sence about breasts. They aren't just sex-toys or commercial equipment to sell things, they are actually useful :P

 Hm, i guess im in the end of my "tirade". 

Today we imagined how we look like, when we get older and older, in a sense of how our appearance will change, or will it? Suits, dresses, casual, chic?

"Probably we'll be looking like old hippies."

"Unless, it's a marathon."

 

♥

My friend, who does some photography, lauged hard, when i told him, that after recieving the new camera, i took it out of the box the first night, ... and put it right back in; went to bed and had a nightmare about photographing. Shutter speed and iso and lens opening (huh?) options - im just starting to get it, veery slowly. I felt more secure with the old zenit, mostly because it wasn't so speedy, i felt i had time. But the digital thing keeps me somewhat pressured, maybe because i see the picture right away on the display? Because it has so many options? I don't know.

Here are some first attempts at home. (Before Hannes explaned me some of the stuff and realized i had the wrong program on :)))

That aside, i feel lately that there is not enough time, and even if, i wouln't have any energy anyways to actually do the stuff i need to do. There are constantly dishes to be washed, floors to be cleaned, multiple-multiple times a day, uncountable glasses of water/juice/porrige spilt on the capret, and then, when it's time for bed and you look back at your day... it's like a black whole. Like the walls are moving in. Usually i don't feel that way, but my mom just put me down with some "you should do more", "when i was having you, then"-phrases. I know that all of it is not true, since i was there, but it hurt. And now i feel a certain resistance for it all.

And in the end, the house is still a big mess of toys, snacks, clothes, books,.. you name it. I get it now why they put the "desperate" infornt of the "housewives". 

My conclusion, A conclusion... would be... none. It might be this gap between generations, where moms from the 80thies remember trying hard to be perfect and wonder why now we  don't live like the people from home&garden magazine? 'Cos we have like all the opportunities, right? So in the end some unwashed cups demolish all other efforts. Maybe i should just shock her with an annoucment that i quit university, since it takes away the time i need to do the dishes. ;)

The best advice is given, when asked - i hope i can keep that in mind, even when sixty.

Since all work and no play can lead to somesort of holydays in the mountains (see, what i did here :P), we still have sunny moments, like these and these and these. Thanks A, for shooting :)

♥

Hope you had a great easterholiday!

These are our onion-colored-eggs from last year. We did do them this year aswell, but i don't have a photo of them in the pc now, although, this year they came out much prettier, than last time :) Honestly!

Eastersunday felt fantastic, because at last we could breathe and nobody had a fever.  Im still coughing, but other than that, we're fine!

There are some news and then again, we're waiting also for some news, about what's happenning next year. For now i keep the cards still hidden and poker away. Hopefully, i can reveal stuff soon!

I also want to thank Naomi, a blogger-mommy, for writing this post.

I must admit, that im kind of convinced, that what i do, is right. Mostly, because i've done a big deal of research about it, then asked people, to whom i look up to, and most importantly, listened to my heart and instincts. But i know, that this is my way and not the one of others. So, if im asked for advice, i'll gladly give it out. Secondly, if i need advice, i'll ask for it. I think this way it works best. 

Show some love to a mother (your own, a friend, your partner), they'd appreciate it, trust me.

See you soon!

♥

I guess i like lists too. It's kind of nice to do them. Since yesterday had flown by under the star of sharing experience and tips about pregnancy,  i'll just keep on going. These are some thoughts that i had about my first pregnancy:  what helped me, and things i wish i had done more or differently, and pointers, that i will keep in mind for the future...

1. To drink more water. Athletes say, that the point where you get the feeling of thirst, is actually already the point where you are "late". 

2. Use good moisturising"tools". Waiting for Juss i really couldn't stand the smell of creams, so i got some natural almond oil. But, as i asked my mom about strechmarks, she cooly said, she didn't get any. Well-well-well. As i thought im blessed with some great genes in that point, i got lazy using the oil. As a result i got a mark per day just a week before labor and i could feel the skin being tight and being torn just like fabric. Ouch. Then i asked my mom again.... and then she remembered "yes! there were these!... but they faded away after a while". Hm. Okay.  So i really recommend using almond oil or sheabutter, or even both, since they feel differently on the skin and preferances can vary, per day. Anything that doesn't have petrol in it, is fine. Since we don't really know how much of it, what we put on our skin finds its way to the baby, it's better to stay it in the safezone with more organic stuff.

3. It's so nice to start a day with warm lemon-water. Some midwifes say, that lemon-water helps the body to lower the pain-meter. And it's just such a delight, since many pregnant women love anything citrusy. 

4. Eat beetroot! "You look so pale, are you alright?" - i get that alot, pregnant or not. And it's not that kind of thing you want to hear, when you just thought you look strikingly good and feel quite fine. But, i lose iron so easily, that i need that extra boost and it's better to get it from food, than from tablets. Then again, if the iron is really low in your bloodtest, it's too late getting that beetroot out, then it's time for the pills. 

Beetroot, strawberries, radishes, pomegranate - anything red, really. And sprouts!

5. Breakfast: Porridge! I can't count how many benefits a breakfast has or how healthy it's to start a day with porridge. And it doesn't have to taste like clay, if that's what worries you! There are many recepies out there and if you've got some berries in your fridge: use them not only for desserts but also for your breakfast! Here's just one good looking one :)

People with cruel morningsikness might disagree here. I accept that.

6. Invest in a couple of good maternity/nursing bras. This one needs no explanation. You Just Need Them.

Now im out of drawings. But a few things pop up in my mind:

7. Hairsalons are a bad idea. As are beautisalons. It's a hard one, i know. When you feel like a ship, a nice pedicure can do wonders, but it's also such a toxic environment. As the senses are extremly cautious, you might even get sick from all the smells. And with all this brazilian blowout going on, giving hairdressers headaches and bloody noses... it's better to just stay away. In my opinion. It is a hard one to follow. I know.

8. Eat regulary! A bit of cure for my morningsickness (that was present not only in the mornings, but through out the day for the first three months!) was to eat regulary even something small, like an apple, or some raisins and nuts (every two hours). I couldnt look at food, more over cook anything because, when feeling sick, it made it worse. But when i ate something, i felt better. So... you cant look at food, but you need to eat, to feel better - how did that happen? I had some good help from a fellow pregnant woman, who had past that stage already. So i'd pop in for lunch sometimes and she'd advise me to carry always something edible in my bag. It was a dear advice, that helped through that time.

9. If it smells bad, it tastes bad. I remeber going out to lunch to celebrate a friends birthday and i ordered a saffron soup. Later i found out, that saffron is even on the no-list for pregnant women. The soup arrived and it was... i knew right away im not gonna enjoy it, but i still ate a spoon or two, just to kind of be polite, but still sent it back. And the same thing happened with aloe-juice. I was super thisrty and bought one liter of aloe juice and one liter of pomegranate juice. At home after i opend the one with aloe and put it on my lips and it was a clear no from all my senses. Here's a list i did some time ago about things that are not safe to eat while pregnant. The body is really smart and needs to be trusted. Of course, it might not say no to fries and chips :) that's when the willpower needs to step in. But nobody's perfect ;))

♥

This is a post to continue the previous one.

Surfing the net while pregnant, i came across many list of things you should have, when you'r expecting, and when the baby arrives. There were shoppinglists that could go one foreeever. Here is this saying, that to raise a kid, you need at least a million. Well, the currency has changed... so in euros it would be... :)))

The truth is : babys need love. Yup, and if you got that covered, everything else just isn't that complicated. And not that expensive, unless showing love is somehow tied to money, as i love my kid as much as the stroller costs, or otherwise people think i don't. Yeah, i've seen that too.

But to come back to babythings, i'll just tell you our story. 

As we anounced to people around us, we were going to have a baby, we had kind offers coming in daily. We got a babycarriage, tons of clothes, a little tub, a bag to go along the carriage, a carseat, two slings and books and this list goes on.... not to mention the toys (oh.. sometimes i wish..). The things i actually bought from a shop were: a bath-thermometer, nailscissors for babys and a baby brush out of goathair (so sooooft and almost useless). Everything else we got, we did pass on, or back, when our little one had outgrown them. I did do a little investment in clothdiapers, and wool-silk clothes for him and bras for me, but just a little one. In the end things mentioned here, were all we needed and that was even plenty.

As we moved in to this appartment 5 days before Juss was born, we had only boxes waiting for us, when we arrived from the hospital. Our dear friends baked a big pie for us and send some flowers, and that was enough to feel over the moon and home. We didn't even have a bed at that time :)) .. So my point being.. things don't have to be picture perfect, to be awesome.

 

But when Juss needed a stroller and fast, because he just got taller like in a day, i started looking. In the end i bought one from the internet, already used. It has it's flaws and i deffinetly overpaid this one, but anyway, it was my first time. Still, the stroller works. It does a great job in strolling us here through the snow and over the ice. I just couldnt bring myself to buy something from a shop, that we were gonna use just some years, that costs as much or more, as is my moms monthly paycheck, or our car. I guess it's a question of values. Things don't have to be new to be functional. Or a question of appearance. And selfvalue. And how much are they connected with eachother. Or what kind of people surround you.

If we would have been, at that time, in another country, things would have been different in a sence, that we wouldn't have had this kind of support by our surroundings. I have no idea if this kind of green-thinking is out there elsewhere, or not. It would've been lonely, and then unreasonable things start to matter. But since this was not the case, we deffinely want to continue this cycle of giving.

edit: here's an article about stuff and how you don't really need much.

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Today i thought i'd write a bit of a different kind of post, just to summarize some thoughts and advice to myself and maybe for someone out there, may-be. Also, i just want to point out that not all mindsets appeal to everybody and that's okay. Mine is just like.. well.. mine.

This post got rolling after a friend of a friend asked for advice about whom to pick as a family doctor (we have this kind of system here, it means no pediatricians, which is totally sad). She got many responses about peoples experiences, some really shoking (as like "women are not like cows, so after 4 months is nursing just absurd"), but also about some nice and cool up-to-date doctors out there.

I changed my doctor after i had a cold while prengnant, because that was when she just couldn't give me the usual anibiotics and was kind of struggeling to find something to help me. And if you get advice like "well, it contains some alcohol, but a little doesn't matter, does it? Ya know, like wine.. :P", it's just a big "NO" sign, on freaking fire, for me.

Later that friend of a friend asked, when would be the best time to get in contact with the new doc, and i replied as soon as possible, as her due-date was just a month away. Since in the hospital at any time, they need to know, whom to send various results and stuff about the new little person. In a way i was surpirised how uninformed she was, not knowing about the baby-nail-scissors, or "the bag" (you know, the one you take with you to the hospital), but then i realized, i was just the lucky one to have such a big circle of women around me, who didn't tell horrorstories, but offered support and information and even spiritual strenght. But it also recuired some personal growth.

I visited since the 9th week of my pregnancy a breathing and yoga-class, driven by a mother of five. Her way of life and her philosphy is some kind different than you get by most common people you know, but it's the acceptance and knowledge, that she really does know a thing or two (or hundred), that you don't. As model students, i guess, we were taugth to follow our teachers straight away, but there i learned, i could and had to make choices. And that is a big part of being a parent and having responsibility. The easiest way people take, is by not taking the class anymore, because some views don't match up. But you woudn't stop being friends with someone who's vegan, when you yourself are not, do you? More over, you just learn to respect that and take it in account, when asking them over to dinner, right? :))

Being pregnant is not easy. You find yourself staring at your lovely partner and saing words like "fries! now!" at midnight, or even if you don't, there are still those big changes and journeys that the body and the mind must take. And yes, no beam of light will come from outerspace to make you "the mother" (i kind of expected that :) ) but it's all you, that actually and miraculously can handle it, just fine.

edit: feel free to note me on spelling- and grammar-mistakes, i'd like that :)

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Today i got SO confused. My sunday painting course finished today and i can't say im satisfied with my work, but i give myself credit for being a beginner: i had just some fun qualitytime for myself. Then again, our teacher keeps praising. For one, she needs to, to keep us, the amateurs, motivated, but sometimes it felt sincere. And then the slight panic started... should i have gone to an art school? Did i miss my chance? Must i register for the next course? Or else this will be my first and last painting? Do i really have some tallent? But everyone has tallent. Do i have the work ethicks? And why is this bothering me?! :)

I had some fun thinking about all this.

Then i thought today, that for once i really liked a james bond film. Skyfall. Surprising.

And then i thought  about this weekend and how strange i felt in some hours. "Strange" is the right word. Or maybe "stranger" ? There is this moment in some mommy-talks, where you really don't want to talk about it any more, the topics run out, and when both parties realize, that there isn't anything else.. it gets quiet. I experienced it twice, two days in a row. First i thought i was just tired, out of energy to ask stuff, but then i realized it might be because these friendships based on the motherhood thing... i didn't know them (well) before. So i have no idea who these women are outside their apron and babycarriage... something that can be fixed, but is a tricky one.

My mom was always so proud of me and would quote what i've said at work and with friends... that when i got old enough to understand this, i very much disliked it. And that's why im also not good at writing about my baby, i guess.

♥

♥ Looking back at 2012 ♥

Part III

For this part i took pictures that were taken with film, to keep it on balance. There would be a lot to write about as well. But another time, we'll see :) 

♥ September- my favourite month (with october)♥

♥ October ♥

♥ Novemeber we met some friends! And a film that would be ruined by a clerk in the shop ;P ♥

♥ December brought snow!♥

We had a great new years eve, with my best friend from childhood times. It was a wonderful night, we saw some beautiful fireworks from the livingroom window and my mom was happy that we came, since on christmas i had a fever and we didn't go anywhere.

And yes, i also think that there should be more pictures with me too! So this year, honey, you take the snaps as well ;) !

♥

♥ Looking back at 2012 ♥

Part II

♥Juss and the big bunny in July♥

♥Our dear friends to see us. Greetings to Paris!♥

♥July and September, someone is growing fast!♥

to be continued...