♥

 

Since it's been an indoorsy week, i wanted to post some more photos of our trip to the woods. It might sound weird from a woman who just had a baby five days ago, but i really want to go out, like on a hike, visit friends at the countryside, go to the sauna. I do. And, what's even more strange, i might even have the strength to do so. I'm still not done comparing labor to a marathon: the first time it's hard but ecstatic, the second time it's still an effort, but you know how to enjoy it (at some point, bouncing on a giant ball, i asked Martin to tell me anecdotes), but mainly: your technique has made an improvement :). 

♥

What a birthday this year! It's amazing that he chose to be born on his moms birthdays early-early dawn :)

We were all well and good, so we were let home the next day, which was really nice. And there was a birthday-cake already waiting for us :

Do you know people who have their birthday on the same day as their parents? It seems rare :)) but is it?

Have a great weekend and lots of kisses to you all!

♥

♥

 

Our Indian summer ended just according to the calendar: after the 23th it was over with the light jackets and summer-shoes. But you still got to love autumn for it's riches. 

Life here is quite calm at the moment. Still sewing something, here and there putting stuff away or getting it out. It's calm. Tries to be.

But an advice for all the pregnant ladies : lie about your due date, lie about it early on. Then you won't get calls form people (who might call you otherwise twice a year) asking questions as "are you're done yet", or "when will you".  Lie to your friends and family (not the dad, of course :)). Just push the date with a satisfied heart two-three weeks ahead. I dearly regret not doing it this time.

Curiosity killed the cat, as the saying goes, but i can say, that it can taint a friendship for a while. Or at least, the person involved will be stressed and annoyed and usually friends don't have that as a goal, right?

However, when you're like suffering form not knowing and can't live otherwise at all, may there be whatever reason, then don't call the pregnant lady, but some other friend, who might be closer (and if they don't know, then it hasn't happened yet) or the spouse.

For the sake of vanilla- ice-cream, it'll happen, when it happens!

♥ ♥ ♥

♥

It's been three days, since i had to skip the lunchtime nap. Otherwise still trying to figure out, how i could have lunch with M during the day. This last weekend we also ruined our daily sleeping routine.. we're bad organizers or still too spontaneous? Then again, it's something that can be fixed, and an awesome day with happy parents and new exiting experiences seems to be worth it, from a kids perspective too.

I'll be waking up on a Sunday morning  with a request to drive to the recycle-center with a list of things we absolutely need (a suitcase, and champagne glasses!). An hour later we're driving direction animal-park - logic.

But i kind of enjoy this pregnancy-craziness. Stuff that feels right, probably is right, right? ;)

Now i just need to find a lamp, no, two lamps, a big container for porridge-material, a toothbrush-holder, a cotton shirt, a game for Juss and .... to be continued until there's room on the sheet.

♥

 Trying to catch a gray cat.

August is almost over and im getting anxious about September. Oh, the September-blues! Will it come this year?

I do get annoyed sometimes by the silliest things. Like getting down four pairs of stairs with three bags around my neck, a toddler on my hip, and a 9th month pregnancy, when the guy next to me (hands free) expects me to open the door. And he was being polite in a sense of "ladies first".  Now it's kind of funny :) but at that moment... 

Hiro was back to visit Tartu, sadly only for one day, but it was fun and made me regain my good spirit. I don't know what it is, but i like hanging around people i've known before parenting and outside that context. Is that weird? I guess, im not that playground-mom type, which is a pity, since we are heading in to full-time motherhood here in the coming month :). 

♥

 

Photos from our trip to Hiiumaa.

We just had the greatest weather for the weekend, a total surprise and lucky us, who accidentally packed swimming-clothes! My mom does theater and it was time for a dress-rehearsal this weekend. That sounded like a good idea to try out, if the three of us could sit through a hour and a half of music and comedy. Turned out, not really. So i got to see the dress-rehearsal, while Martin and Juss were in the park, one reading a newspaper, other one sleeping. The great side was, that we stayed another day for Martin to go to see the premier and me to meet up with some friends at my moms place. 

On Sunday and Monday we also got to go to the beach. One of our friends told us one time, that his dad had rented a flat for the summer in my hometown for holidays, and it sounded so weird, because why would anyone do that, there? But now i understood. The beach on the lake is totally remodeled and has so much stuff built in for kids at all ages, for sunbathers, for long walks, picnics  - everything is nice and clean-looking. There was a lot of people, many coming from outside the town (as i assume, looking at the full parking-lot).

The downside is, that there aren't many places to eat, with good service (and food). There are two pubs, which I'd recommend, mostly because they existed, when i was living there (and are probably with a nostalgic value for me) and have changed (kind of) for the better (one has even a space for kids with a pirate-ship), but from the new places there is one nice one, but for the others... the food is very home-made-style and as a pregnant woman with a toddler, i don't like waiting for an ice-cream as long as for a meal and wonder if they might have forgotten my order :) since there's like two other people in the whole restaurant. Yeah-yeah, write the complaining-mood on my pregnancy-hormones, okay! :))

On Sunday we also did some driving around on the countryside and met some bikers from Russia, who are doing a really awesome tour, like i said.. on bikes!! Hundreds of kilometers! I hope they have a great time! What an awesome way for having a holiday!

Well, sports... if i look at my runningshoes, they look like new, because it's been.. hmm two years now, or three? Oi-oi. Talking about shoes...these FiveFingers look so funny. When i heard of them (not knowing how they look and what they are) i wanted to make it a present for Martin, since he's doing a half-marathon and (maybe) a marathon this year. But he said, that he'd rather not experiment with his feet and legs :)

Tomorrow i might do again a longer pause in my Internet-usage, as a long weekend kind of thing. To have a refreshing start on Monday again. 

Until then, have a great time and enjoy the summer(, while it lasts)!!!

♥

How is being pregnant with a toddler different, than being pregnant the first time?

This question seemed more complicated at first, than it really is. The difference is simple actually: you have two kids now. One in your arm, and one in your belly. That also means that the attention is divided. That's where my partner plays a big role, by letting me take time to point my focus also to the the new coming baby, while he's out doing fun things with the older one. 

I was once told, that making a drivers license or any kind of exams, while pregnant, is impossible, because the brain just doesn't want to focus on "unnecessary" tasks and thoughts. It instinctively wants to prepare for the upcoming birth and motherhood tasks. While i thought that my memory during my first pregnancy was terrible, then now i could say, that the disc is simply full. I have forgotten to answer emails, texts, even to call back the next minute. No to mention one of my friends job, that she described just a week before. Then again i have no trouble of remembering what we need from the grocery-store, or what to pack, when going on a trip. When it's family-oriented, i still keep it together. But it also makes me more tired, than i expected. On our latest trip to the national park i didn't take our camera with us, because i felt that my brain couldn't handle one more item to look after, while we hike around. And i was right: the pocket-camera we took, we also forgot there at some point.

The second main difference is that, when before my partner could take care of me solely, now we have already a family to take care of. That's maybe the main reason why the second pregnancy feels more exhausting: i still have to do the things i have to do. Maybe feeling a bit more lonesome is something that is connected to it. While waiting for Juss, i did prenatal joga, went to a water-gymnastics class and met up with many other pregnant women. Now i use the time, when Martin is out with Juss, for sleeping, cooking, cleaning, .. and thinking about all the other things i need to do :)) and often end up waisting time on the net... sadly-sadly.

What will be helpful? I realized recently, that maybe it would be a good idea to make a plan, like for the whole week. So that time would be organized better and i could take time and invest it in something meaningful. Taking time for doing the dishes is okay too, but it can lead to somewhat frustration as well ;) 

We still haven't tried it out, but i hope we get there. It would mean, that i have something to look forward to and would feel fulfilled and accomplished later. 
This time around i also feel that we are both a bit pregnant. We already share the weight of responsibilities and tasks, we've been without any good sleep (like 10 hours straight) for over a year now, we both have backaches and get easily irritated when tired. So no princess treatment is possible, from any side. There is just no energy for that. This one is, egoisticly, the hardest one to accept. 

As my midwife said, this is the second pregnancy and it just is that way.

But i hope i could give an answer, that said more than  "it's hard" or "difficult" or "complicated". 

Ps. Thanks M for a wonderful lunch! It made my day :*

♥

There is this question that keeps popping up lately and i find it always tricky to answer: Is it difficult/hard being pregnant (especially the second time around, while the first kid is still so small)? In my mother-tongue difficult/hard is referred to in a word that also means ´'heavy´'. Carrying two is heavier indeed :)

This "how is it?" question is something i've been throwing around in the past as well, looking for answers. How is it to be pregnant with a small toddler? How is it with a toddler and a baby? The common answer is: it's hard/difficult. Then it's added: the first year is hard, after that it's easier. I feel like i'm lost in translation: hard? easier? These words all in all don't say much. 

I went to look answers in the internet, asking a group in facebook about it. While my belly was growing i got more and more curious, maybe there is something that'll be good to know, from women who already have that experience. But all the answers came back in "don't worry, be happy" -style. I got more precise: "when going out, whom do you dress first?" for example. "Don't worry, it'll all settle naturally... blablabla... but then i dress my youngest first and then i have this trick ...." and so one. So in the end there is advice out there, but it seems it's difficult to share. Why is that, i wonder. Too personal or did they really think it was worry that made me ask these questions, didn't they themselves wanted to know, were curious about things, would've been happy over support, thats more than "don't worry, be happy", in the end it sounds like a nice way to just shut someone up. That's how i replied. I was deeply disappointed, since it was a group that was made by me and an other young mother. It didn't fulfill its purpose for me at that level.

Most of the mothers i know personally, who have same age children, are older than me. In their (mid)-30es. There are only one or two that are the same age, in the mid-twenties, or younger.  So i started to wonder if it might be a generation thing. Of course this is now a huge generalization, but who knows, i just throw it out there. 

The idea came, when a friend, who started university from the beginning with a course of 20year olds (being over 30 herself), said that for her it seems the new generation is much more open. Open to talk about it all, even the uncomfortable stuff. Ups and downs are equally presentable. Being in between, i really don't know. But truthfully, after a while of thinking about it, and noticing what people talk about, i came to agree on that. It's not a universal truth tho, and it's not the age that determines anything, there's just something... that maybe a sociologist(or whoever does that stuff) can figure out or research?

I started to miss my same-old friends, with their humor and irony, their ups and downs, their smiles and tears. :)

I just hope, that even if there is someone out there, who like me, wonders about things and wants to know more, more precisely, wants to share hopes and fears, that they wouldn't feel lonesome and shut up, just because there is a lot of "don't worry"type of answers thrown around. 

As for my own answer for that question. I finally figured it out today. When a little hungover friend called me from the beach this sunday evening asking...

how is it?

me: what do you mean?

Is it hard? It's summer, it must be hard. 

...I shrugged it off. Im cool. Im fine. Pie-ce of cake! But now i'd say: If you think it's hard, why don't you help me?

Asking for help is much more difficult, than offering, don't you agree? I started to be brave. I try to be. I asked people out, made some plans to meet up with a different crowd, than the everything-is-always-perfect-mothers-group. And i also want to hold it in my mind, that when someone comes to me asking questions, i'll take the time to find the answers. :)

♥

 

 

Pärnu. The ultimate Summer-capital. I never got the idea of summer resorts, but now i'm slightly turned. Of course i end up going with a "little"(as mentioned around me) cold - that's that for going for a swim in the sea. The food in the restaurant took forever to arrive, the wind was cold, the people too many. The avocado on our friends avocado-dish was raw. The supermarket was out of eco-friendly diapers and... we still kind of had a nice time. Mystical.  

We arrived home late and exhausted from the long drive, all three of us. That's why today is "do-nothing-monday". No plans, no engagements, nada. Chocolate cake for breakfast and hopefully a watermelon for dinner. That's it. (Of course, Juss has regular meals :))

♥

On Saturday we went to our friends U&L wedding. 

I took three dresses with me, just in case, and ended up wearing all of them. The butterfly was the first and i'm showing it off, since it's custom made by a young designer Ilona Ait. She created the fabric and made the dress. I ended up wearing a jacket, because it was so windy and i still suffered from my "little" cold. But the dress is so gorgeous, right! :) Butterfly-belly!

The night got colder so i changed in a long dress, then got strawberry and/or cherry spots on it, and changed again. The thing, when having kids, you either need always one pair (at least) a change of clothes, or an attitude where you just don't care. Usually i have the last one, but since it was a wedding and all, it was kind of nice to look neat for once.

♥

Looking for an apartment in the city can be exhausting like everybody knows. All the stairs and the traffic to get from one place to another. With a big belly, no question. Trying to find an old farmplace (the remains of it) in the woods, pretty different. At one point i had to climb over a fence and dive into some waist high grass. But you get rewarded with wild strawberries and some beautiful views. Still, looking forward to a bit more leisure time this week.

♥

This is a subject i have thought about, just to prepare me for the future, theoretically. Even read this great book "Siblings Without Rivalry". But now, it's getting bit more real and i find myself a little lost, because i don't have any kind of experiance in it.

Im talking about siblings. How it's like, when the parents come home one day/night with a new baby? I find it a scary situation and wondering how to handle this the best way i could.

And well, im not the only one. Luckly :)

In the blog of A cup of Jo, there is a post: How do you prepare your older child for a new baby? It's exactly about this fear of what will happen and Jo asks people to leave comments about it. Reading those has already given some ideas of how to deal with this upcoming situation. Im hoping to put some of the advice aside for the coming autumn.

One of the things is surely getting that book out again. From the two  books i've read from Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (my first one, second one, written in reverse order), "Siblings without Rivaly" was more smooth. I enjoyed it a lot. And it's not only for parents about how to deal with children/siblings, it can also help understanding relationships, that have gone in a wrong direction and how to, perhaps, mend them. Or at least, understand them.

Then i liked the idea of this 5-minute game to make your child feel loved. I'd wish that for myself too :)

Also reminding people (friends, family) that they should pay some extra attention to the older sibling, rather than rushing to get to see the new baby. People advise even little presents to the "new big sister/brother" and a sincere conversation. How it'll work in real life? Text people, before they come over?... Hm.

New toys and books were also mentioned. Lately im obsessed to find and make awesome toys for Juss. Firstly, to replace all that plastic, that has found it's way into our home, and secondly, there are so many adorable, beautiful, beautiful and cool toys out there! (this is probably the hormones talking, right?)
How to restrain myself and hide the new beauties?

See, still questions over questions. That's the fun part of life!

♥

There's been alot on my mind lately. And i see it in a positive light.

As i haven't written any personal e-mails recently, im not really in the receiving end as well. It's a pity, but i understand. Im thinking of you with happy thoughts :)

When i was born and raised, the circumstances where completely different, the philosophy of life it self was. So i find myself in constantly explaining things, that for me sound and feel so natural. Further, the way women were treated while giving birth... from today's view, i'd say, it was violence. And to tell my mother how awesome was Juss birth, is just such a gift, altho she listens skeptically, i think. 

I've always  known that i broke my collarbone, when i was born. "I broke it". As i told this to a fellow mom (of 5 children), she laughed and asked if i then dropped on the floor or how else could I have broken that bone. Now i know, that the midwife did it, just to get me out faster. A regular procedure. Like in a factory. I was shocked. Even my mom didn't know that, because the only thing that the nurse told her, was that "the baby had broken her collarbone". Midwives today don't do it, because they know better: there is a slight pause after the baby's head is born, so that the baby can turn his/her shoulders, that come after, with another push. The womb just takes a little siesta before that final one. And if everyone is okay, why would anyone even give birth in that horrible bed anyway. Even moms can't beat gravity :)!

That's why we sceduled a midwife we knew and trusted. It did cost some money, but as people spend more averagely on parties, sports-ecuiptment and other stuff, why not invest in your own (first) child's birth, to make it a beautiful, intimate and pleasant happening?

There was a time we even considered homebirth, but to be honest, i really liked the three days in the hospital.... we didn't need to do anything, we could just look into these awesomely blue eyes. And me and the little one were treated mostly very nicely. Then again, i have never feared doctors or hospitals. But i know some people do.

So, it could've not been more different, than even those first moments as a mother, that experience in the 80es and in  2012. And it goes on.

I'll just make a list of things my mom and other grannys, as i found out from other new moms, don't really "get" or have a hard time to get used to, as it seems so new-age (?):

- The familybed. Martin built last summer this big bed, so we could all have enough room to sleep. We also have a baby/child-bed... but we really don't use it. It is installed next to the big one, but Juss goes there just to hang out sometimes, but sleeps in the big one. He'll "move out" when he's ready :)

- Baby lead weaning. "I never let you eat like this. Porridge flying around and all!" said my mom, when Juss tried to figure out how to get that porridge out of the bowl, using spoon and hands (mostly hands :P), but after some seconds she added "It was a big trouble to get you eat right. To learn to use the spoon. I thought it'll never happen". I just smiled at that point.

- The cocoon. Some babies like to be "tied up". They feel safe. But. Not all :) We like to stretch and fight every blanket there is.

- The baby sling. Without it i could have not been there, when Matin got his PhD and the banquet after that. A once in a lifetime event!

- Public nursing. This is a topic i could write a novel about, because i really get fired up on it. If your child is hungry, how can you not feed it? With the best quality milk, specially designed for your baby. The other party says then, you should stay at home. Yeah, i think too, that 6 months staying at home doesn't cause some emotional distress and depression?! I've noticed that people saying things like that, are not mothers, or if so, have issues about their body. Which is sad. There are so many cover-up things invented for people, who feel embarrassed. Which is again sad, because we live in a society, that has some disturbed sence about breasts. They aren't just sex-toys or commercial equipment to sell things, they are actually useful :P

 Hm, i guess im in the end of my "tirade". 

Today we imagined how we look like, when we get older and older, in a sense of how our appearance will change, or will it? Suits, dresses, casual, chic?

"Probably we'll be looking like old hippies."

"Unless, it's a marathon."

 

♥

I guess i like lists too. It's kind of nice to do them. Since yesterday had flown by under the star of sharing experience and tips about pregnancy,  i'll just keep on going. These are some thoughts that i had about my first pregnancy:  what helped me, and things i wish i had done more or differently, and pointers, that i will keep in mind for the future...

1. To drink more water. Athletes say, that the point where you get the feeling of thirst, is actually already the point where you are "late". 

2. Use good moisturising"tools". Waiting for Juss i really couldn't stand the smell of creams, so i got some natural almond oil. But, as i asked my mom about strechmarks, she cooly said, she didn't get any. Well-well-well. As i thought im blessed with some great genes in that point, i got lazy using the oil. As a result i got a mark per day just a week before labor and i could feel the skin being tight and being torn just like fabric. Ouch. Then i asked my mom again.... and then she remembered "yes! there were these!... but they faded away after a while". Hm. Okay.  So i really recommend using almond oil or sheabutter, or even both, since they feel differently on the skin and preferances can vary, per day. Anything that doesn't have petrol in it, is fine. Since we don't really know how much of it, what we put on our skin finds its way to the baby, it's better to stay it in the safezone with more organic stuff.

3. It's so nice to start a day with warm lemon-water. Some midwifes say, that lemon-water helps the body to lower the pain-meter. And it's just such a delight, since many pregnant women love anything citrusy. 

4. Eat beetroot! "You look so pale, are you alright?" - i get that alot, pregnant or not. And it's not that kind of thing you want to hear, when you just thought you look strikingly good and feel quite fine. But, i lose iron so easily, that i need that extra boost and it's better to get it from food, than from tablets. Then again, if the iron is really low in your bloodtest, it's too late getting that beetroot out, then it's time for the pills. 

Beetroot, strawberries, radishes, pomegranate - anything red, really. And sprouts!

5. Breakfast: Porridge! I can't count how many benefits a breakfast has or how healthy it's to start a day with porridge. And it doesn't have to taste like clay, if that's what worries you! There are many recepies out there and if you've got some berries in your fridge: use them not only for desserts but also for your breakfast! Here's just one good looking one :)

People with cruel morningsikness might disagree here. I accept that.

6. Invest in a couple of good maternity/nursing bras. This one needs no explanation. You Just Need Them.

Now im out of drawings. But a few things pop up in my mind:

7. Hairsalons are a bad idea. As are beautisalons. It's a hard one, i know. When you feel like a ship, a nice pedicure can do wonders, but it's also such a toxic environment. As the senses are extremly cautious, you might even get sick from all the smells. And with all this brazilian blowout going on, giving hairdressers headaches and bloody noses... it's better to just stay away. In my opinion. It is a hard one to follow. I know.

8. Eat regulary! A bit of cure for my morningsickness (that was present not only in the mornings, but through out the day for the first three months!) was to eat regulary even something small, like an apple, or some raisins and nuts (every two hours). I couldnt look at food, more over cook anything because, when feeling sick, it made it worse. But when i ate something, i felt better. So... you cant look at food, but you need to eat, to feel better - how did that happen? I had some good help from a fellow pregnant woman, who had past that stage already. So i'd pop in for lunch sometimes and she'd advise me to carry always something edible in my bag. It was a dear advice, that helped through that time.

9. If it smells bad, it tastes bad. I remeber going out to lunch to celebrate a friends birthday and i ordered a saffron soup. Later i found out, that saffron is even on the no-list for pregnant women. The soup arrived and it was... i knew right away im not gonna enjoy it, but i still ate a spoon or two, just to kind of be polite, but still sent it back. And the same thing happened with aloe-juice. I was super thisrty and bought one liter of aloe juice and one liter of pomegranate juice. At home after i opend the one with aloe and put it on my lips and it was a clear no from all my senses. Here's a list i did some time ago about things that are not safe to eat while pregnant. The body is really smart and needs to be trusted. Of course, it might not say no to fries and chips :) that's when the willpower needs to step in. But nobody's perfect ;))

♥

This is a post to continue the previous one.

Surfing the net while pregnant, i came across many list of things you should have, when you'r expecting, and when the baby arrives. There were shoppinglists that could go one foreeever. Here is this saying, that to raise a kid, you need at least a million. Well, the currency has changed... so in euros it would be... :)))

The truth is : babys need love. Yup, and if you got that covered, everything else just isn't that complicated. And not that expensive, unless showing love is somehow tied to money, as i love my kid as much as the stroller costs, or otherwise people think i don't. Yeah, i've seen that too.

But to come back to babythings, i'll just tell you our story. 

As we anounced to people around us, we were going to have a baby, we had kind offers coming in daily. We got a babycarriage, tons of clothes, a little tub, a bag to go along the carriage, a carseat, two slings and books and this list goes on.... not to mention the toys (oh.. sometimes i wish..). The things i actually bought from a shop were: a bath-thermometer, nailscissors for babys and a baby brush out of goathair (so sooooft and almost useless). Everything else we got, we did pass on, or back, when our little one had outgrown them. I did do a little investment in clothdiapers, and wool-silk clothes for him and bras for me, but just a little one. In the end things mentioned here, were all we needed and that was even plenty.

As we moved in to this appartment 5 days before Juss was born, we had only boxes waiting for us, when we arrived from the hospital. Our dear friends baked a big pie for us and send some flowers, and that was enough to feel over the moon and home. We didn't even have a bed at that time :)) .. So my point being.. things don't have to be picture perfect, to be awesome.

 

But when Juss needed a stroller and fast, because he just got taller like in a day, i started looking. In the end i bought one from the internet, already used. It has it's flaws and i deffinetly overpaid this one, but anyway, it was my first time. Still, the stroller works. It does a great job in strolling us here through the snow and over the ice. I just couldnt bring myself to buy something from a shop, that we were gonna use just some years, that costs as much or more, as is my moms monthly paycheck, or our car. I guess it's a question of values. Things don't have to be new to be functional. Or a question of appearance. And selfvalue. And how much are they connected with eachother. Or what kind of people surround you.

If we would have been, at that time, in another country, things would have been different in a sence, that we wouldn't have had this kind of support by our surroundings. I have no idea if this kind of green-thinking is out there elsewhere, or not. It would've been lonely, and then unreasonable things start to matter. But since this was not the case, we deffinely want to continue this cycle of giving.

edit: here's an article about stuff and how you don't really need much.