♥

 

Days go by quickly. I'm still doing stuff, that i think needs to be done, but lately not so sure about  the order of significance (Toothbrush- holder versus earrings?) Or significance in general.

But I'm so thankful for starting prenatal-yoga again now in September:  that hour and a half give so much (if able to receive :)). I like the part of the personal nature, sitting in a circle and the talks after the meditation that we have before doing the asana. 

Anyway. I've had this book of a friend now quite a while. A year. And i kept it, because i wanted to write down some Quotes. Here and now seems like a perfect opportunity, to get it done. One thing less on my list. Juhuu!

"Of all nature's gifts to the human race,

what is sweeter to a man than his children?" - Cicero

"My father didn't tell me how to live;

he lived, and let me watch him do it." - Clarence B. Kelland

"We make a living by what we get,

but we make a life by what we give" - Winston Churchill

"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone 

could give another person, he believed in me." - Jim Valvano

"The most important thing that a father

can do for his children is to love their mother." - Hesburgh

"The greatest use of a life is to 

spend it on something that will outlast it." - William James

"Fathers, like mothers, are not born.

Men grow into fathers - and fathering is 

a very important stage in their development." - David M. Gottesman

These are from "Fathers-To-Be Handbook. A Road Map for the Transition to Fatherhood." by Patrick M. Houser. We kind of read it, i looked at some chapters and Martin did, and then we had some discussions about parenting, mostly about our own parents, fathers and father-figures. So we didn't really work through it, but i believe it's still a book worth looking into.

♥

Im wrapping up Mervi Juusolas "Energy-book for mothers":

Women tend to overwork. Really? Even when they're on baby-holiday (that's what it's called here). There is no holiday, (maybe the fist month or two with the first one :)), since it's said, that one day at home is often much harder, than the working-hours in the office. (I guess it's because of the intensity (of emotions) children have). The goals for moms are always set high (kids, household, work, style) and one of the easiest ways to handle it, is to become the boss around the house, who knows everything and who does everything. This might push other family members aside and in the end doesn't benefit the "boss" as well. When mom wakes up Saturday morning, her brain starts immediately organizing it all: laundry, breakfast, where the family should go, what to pack and so one and one. Dad might think of breakfast :) Juusola suggests to let go sometimes, to have friends over, even when the house is not as clean as a pearl, to let the dishes in the sink if it's already past 9 pm. Sleep, rest, take time. Nobody is perfect. Not before having kids and not after either, so why die trying?

As Juusola writes, no one in the family can expect that life goes on the same way it did before: no sport-club visits on five nights in a week are here negotiable, maybe two-  a baby needs its parents, both of them. The sooner dad is in the same boat, the better for everyone. I totally agree with that :) That means letting little mistakes happen: the wrong hat with the wrong shirt. The only thing a dad can not do, or can't learn how to do, is nursing. The only one, says Juusola. The overworking mom first has to let go, and then let (=lead) dad in.

In the first chapter about relationships Juusola points out, that it doesn't matter how good the relationship was before becoming parents, there are still hurdles coming your way. Parenthood is one of the biggest tryouts for a relationship and the reason is simple: exhaustion and dull routine. They bring the best out of us (: We tend to fight our partner instead of the tiresomeness and our own ego. 

And the book is a lot about self-discipline and reasonable time managing, as these are key-elements for relaxed times. There are many weird understandings in our society(societies) about women (about men too), and i guess, we shouldn't take them into our heads and hearts. Having an hour for yourself, when the house looks like there's been a tornado, is nothing to feel bad about, and shouldn't be blamed on by other family-members either.

What i just learned form experience and that was also mentioned in the book, was that during nap-time, i tended to over-organize it, i was looking forward to it as a chance to do all the chores, take a shower, read a book, send e-mails,..  the list could go on forever. But a nap is not that reliable, and perhaps there is a chance to do two of those things, usually just one. (and how disappointing this feels, when you didn't reach your goals for the day!) In the book it's said, that nap-time should be just time to rest, like the child is. Leave the household be and concentrate on yourself and only on one activity (like sleeping too for example :)).

♥

A little summary (and review?) of Mervi Juusola's mothers energybook "So that mom could handle it" (that's a really bad translation actually ), the orginal finnish title is "Äidin voimakirja". The book is divided in four big chapters that also include smaller chapters about one subject, but in between there are these twelve reminders, to make everyday life a bit easier:

1. When you're tired, then be tired

2. Hug yourself

3. Behold of playing the Boss in the house (nagging, bossing, correcting others/your partner)

4. Set yourself boundaries

5. Enjoy moments of happiness

6. Believe in your child and in yourself

7. Stop being mean

8. Cherish free time

9. Don't hold crudges

10. Be brave enough to stop

11. Beware of being overly duteous

12. Enjoy life, keep yourself agile

They all seem these logical and simple steps to take, but in fact do need to be reminded of. I like how they are explicit explained and how every chapter lays the problems roots out; for example the first one: why parents are exhausted and why moms don't let themselves be tired and take brakes.

What is the tricky part in the book is the part about dads, where the book is clearly meant for moms. So the question is: how to convey the information given in the book to the other part in a way that it is constructive. Or is it already enough, that by reading the book you have these funny realizations about how all parents go through the same path of exhaustion and stress? For me personally it was a surprise. I never thought, that one could be so tired that they'll forget their neighbors name. Every other day :))

Some fun stories about this zombie-phenomena here! (But im sure they are funny mostly for those who can relate)

♥

Juss meets a grasshopper on island Hiiumaa.

When we were heading back from the island, i noticed the boat was full of people behind screens, phones and pc's illuminating, it was almost a bit scary. Beautiful people sitting next to each other and not communicating, not going to the deck to see the sea, the lighthouse, the sailing-boats that passed by. Im someone who enjoys surfing the net as well and is amazed of what great interviews you can find, what great articles, wonderful art, awesome ideas... but it's also tiring, extremely tiring. It's not like reading a book, where you gain energy i think, but this mosaic or rather fragmentation of the attention, that i can jump from one tap to the other, hear one thing and read another. It makes me stressed out somehow, as i am overflown by ideas and thoughts and impressions. A week long pause was just right and i might want to repeat it soon :) or make my internet -usage somehow more regulated, so that stuff gets done.

But before that, i enjoyed the interview with Jennifer Aniston inside the Actors Studio, being impressed how humble she is. And Dustin Hoffman just stole my heart; what a presens and emotionality.

Talking about books, last year i got a book for my birthday from Mervi Juusola, in English the title would be "..so that mom can handle it/deal with it(all)". A motherhood energy-book. It seems that it's only available in the finnish and estonian language. I tried reading it some time ago, but now i feel that it's time has come. Maybe i should do a little summary of it, when i finish?

Another finnish book i read some years ago is Kari Heusala's "Womens sexuality". I couldn't finish it, because i had to return it to the library, but i remember how the fist chapter about the history of the sexuality of women was just so hilarious. Im thinking of getting it again and posting some of the facts here. Just for laughs. 

To talk about our week on the island... well, there are words like beach, sea, sun, food, driving and then this emotional level, which i don't know yet how to share or if to share at all. I felt cleansed after we arrived back: was it the lack of a computer screen to hide behind, or just the idea of being so far away from everything/one else? But being together? The chance to go through a rainbow of emotions? Or the chance to hold hands, while lying in the sun, or just forgetting to worry in general? The chance to sleep long hours? Well.. all that.

Now i want to listen to a good old song...what could it be? The second one, that comes to mind:

 

.

♥

 

 Some time ago, when we were at my moms place i looked up my old bookshelf and found some old favourites. I remembered the illustrations immediatly, altho it has been more than 10 or 15 years since i looked at them, or read them. While the plot is forgotten. I took a few with me to show friends and ask if they had a similar response to them :)

Lilli Promet has tree poems and the first one is about a village where nobody likes to clean and cook, so one day comes a man, who offers pancakes for dust and rubbish. Illustrations by Asta Vender. 

Hope to share some other ones with you soon.  

Have a nice weekend and stay healthy!

♥

Sometimes i think my mom should've been a director of some sort, movie or theater, i think she has a good eye. I really like this picture she took from her livingroom window.

Todays post will be about a book. 

I finally got to read some books on my list! Last week i finished David Lodge "Thinks...". Martin and my mom had already gone it through and recommended it like the article from Sirp. During the holidays i picked up another book at moms readingtable: Lodge's "Small world" and the first chapters were hilarious! So i had a bit false hopes when i started "Thinks..". But. It's definetly a book i don't regret reading, it started some great discussions and thoughts. It was a pleasure to read and to get all those references to sience and literature. Sometimes i feel i should be more confident... just because im no quotingmachine, doesn't mean that i don't know something. Oo.. this weekend i got Goethe quoted to me as i said i studied german literature... and not the mainstream quotation or anything.. as a matter of fact: it was so long and all, that it couldve been anything, really. I don't know Faust by heart. Honestly :)

There is only this one thing about "Thinks.." that bothered me and kind of ruined my impression.... I woun't say anything further to keep you from spoilers. Maybe as time passes and i get over that, i'll see the whole thing in better light again. But Lodge is an interesting writer and "Small world" is on my list!

So, as i don't want to give any stars and such, i'll just say... read, liked, recommended.

♥

Here's a list of books i hope to come across some day:

John Cage "For the Birds"

Bill Bryson "At Home: a Short History of Private Life"

Gaston Bachelard "The Poetics of Space"

Tom Robbins "Skinny legs and all"

Miranda Kerr "Treasure Yourself"

Usually i read or hear about some books; think to myself "someday i'll take a look" and then forget about it the next minute/moment/day/week/year. So i thought i'll keep a list of them here. My lates encounter with a book was a disapointmen. But as im still reading the newspaper from 5th october, i have no idea when i get a chance to read these. (Like the pile of books next to the bed wasn't enough?) For now i got Tom Robbins "Skinny legs and all" and Bachelards "The Poetics of Space" from the library."Skinny legs..." was the only Tom Robbins book they had, and it's in english, therefore im hoping to improve my language skills. But it's all music of the future. First i have to catch up with the newspapers....


EDIT:
I had added two other ones later, but forgot to post it:

David Lodge "Thinks..." (translated into estonian 1,2)

W. Somerset Maugham "Strictly personal"