♥

Today i got SO confused. My sunday painting course finished today and i can't say im satisfied with my work, but i give myself credit for being a beginner: i had just some fun qualitytime for myself. Then again, our teacher keeps praising. For one, she needs to, to keep us, the amateurs, motivated, but sometimes it felt sincere. And then the slight panic started... should i have gone to an art school? Did i miss my chance? Must i register for the next course? Or else this will be my first and last painting? Do i really have some tallent? But everyone has tallent. Do i have the work ethicks? And why is this bothering me?! :)

I had some fun thinking about all this.

Then i thought today, that for once i really liked a james bond film. Skyfall. Surprising.

And then i thought  about this weekend and how strange i felt in some hours. "Strange" is the right word. Or maybe "stranger" ? There is this moment in some mommy-talks, where you really don't want to talk about it any more, the topics run out, and when both parties realize, that there isn't anything else.. it gets quiet. I experienced it twice, two days in a row. First i thought i was just tired, out of energy to ask stuff, but then i realized it might be because these friendships based on the motherhood thing... i didn't know them (well) before. So i have no idea who these women are outside their apron and babycarriage... something that can be fixed, but is a tricky one.

My mom was always so proud of me and would quote what i've said at work and with friends... that when i got old enough to understand this, i very much disliked it. And that's why im also not good at writing about my baby, i guess.