♥

There was a post intended in September with pictures of an old farm, a barn with no roof, old trees and plenty of space. The words under it: we bought a farm. For months i was exited and happy about it, but then it didn't work out. One of last years most tough lessons. Seems that in these two years i aged ten. It's great to be able to know what you want, but when it becomes too difficult to achieve... then what? I start to question myself, and the confidence of living on a farm is shaken hard. Would i even fit in the village atmosphere? What was the big plan anyway?
Well, for my family it would be great. Growing up in small and safe community, spending time outside and doing things hand in hand with nature. It's a world very unfamiliar to me, but it exits me to try to stretch out my limits and face some of my fears. I am not even thinking that it'll be isolating or lonely, because that can happen easy in big cities too. We've been saving up first to have a wedding, then the idea of the farm came and now we're too stingy to use that money "just" for celebrating something, but there's no farm, no house, not even an apartment at sight as well. Nothing is decided yet. But it feels a bit like having two empty hands.

Anyway, i hope this year we can figure some of it out. 
Sitting here with an ear-infection, writing about limits and fears, having this or that... unsure is the word i guess i was looking for. All i want is to get better and to my family to stay healthy. Everything else comes after that. But it still comes, right?